Eyes Wide...Shut.

Well I liked this idea. Some of it...alot of it, is me. Then some of it isn't, but it is what fit in the piece. An interesting perspective in my opinion...but interesting isn't always right. I'm just happy that I'm a resilient person and can snap back from ridiculous situations that I happen to stumble into at times. Then other times I walk right into them, eyes clamped shut and pray its not what I think it is. I'm not surprised when I walk into the wall that I knew was there to begin with...but damn, the wall still hurts lol.

Misguided Intentions

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I want to hate you and blame you exclusively.

I know that’s not fair, so I turn to my mirror reluctantly.

My eyes stare back accusingly until I accept responsibility.

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You didn’t blind me and lead me along the familiar path.

I closed my eyes willingly and grabbed onto the back of your shirt.

I staggered after you, refusing to uncover my eyes, afraid of what I might see

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I stumbled slightly on the rocks that you neglected to mention.

You didn’t exactly extend your hand to invite me on this journey either.

I take responsibility for solidifying a one way connection.

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I’m only hurt because I withdrew and you didn’t notice…much less…

Well it doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do…does it?

This is about what I did, why I did it and acknowledging my actions.

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I wore my heart on my sleeve and begged you to kill it with your song.

Well, now I’ve tired of your playing with it so I cut the strings.

But you’re right; you wouldn’t have access without my invitation.

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Since this happens a lot, you’d think I would learn to shield my heart.

The problem is that I don’t want to shield it, I’m a lover.

I love my friends, family, people in general, right from the start.

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I am an all or nothing type of girl who has no middle ground.

When I give it all, it’s an overinvestment and I have to withdraw.

When I refuse to invest, I feel that I’m cheating someone else.

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I know the answer’s in the middle, that place I don’t have.

I like who I am and how I love and one day I believe it will pay off.

It’s just that the sinking feeling after the climax tends to siphon hope.

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The jaded person that temporarily inhabits my body during this period…

I refuse to get stuck in that mode because of misplaced anger.

I’m only hurt because of my own actions and your inaction.

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I cannot fault you for openly accepting everything I freely offered

You never asked for it, didn’t hint at it, you simply received.

You didn’t promise a return of any kind, and I didn’t ask for a contract.

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Good thing I didn’t offer any more than I could afford to lose.

I don’t regret giving; I just need to choose the receiver more carefully

All in all I’m mad at myself; you have done no “wrong”.

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You will be an associate for whom I once had feelings.

I will be a distant memory…if I’m lucky.

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Copyright © 2009 Natasha Guy