Day 11

Word of the day: understanding. I have it now.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Day 10

I understand now why they say the days are numbered...to see how far we've come/gone. *Tips hat* Until we meet again...better yet, "Goodbye."

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Day 9

I guess unfortunately that was just what i needed.

Day 5

Did Anyone Hear It




When the fissure emerged

I swear it made an audible sound

Or was that just in my head?

Was it as silent as my cries?



Ever feel something and think you heard it?

Like when the thunder shakes your house

And you don’t know if it was the walls or nature.

Is that just me…or do you hear it too?



What about the tree that falls when no one is around?

Is it less than the others because no one stood witness?

Natural things occur just as loudly

When no one else can experience it.



Even if it didn’t make a sound,

I felt it through and through;

No one is knocking at the door,

So I guess it really was silent.


Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Day 4

I love this comic strip, so happy I found it again!!!

The revised version and info on the artist at ~*~Rimfrost~*~

Day 3

Gone Is What You Are

I miss who I was when you looked at me.
I miss who we were when we were we.
I miss the way you excited me.
Now all I feel is sorrow.

I'm sorry for thinking the way I did.
I'm sorry that I lost that bid.
I'm sorry about the feelings I hid.
Apologies at this point are useless.

We used the cover of the dark to escalate.
We used smiles to explain why we were late.
We used each other as a clean slate.
What we did is in the past.

Passing you now would hurt too much.
Passing you quickly to avoid a touch.
Passing you along to the next brings such...
Pain is what remains.

Remain with me.
Remain true.
Stay.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Day 2

I colored my hair red. It must have felt my insides because it appears much darker than it's supposed to be.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Day 1

Flood Gates

How the mighty fall.
Stoic reserve cracks.
Pressure finally releases.
No preparation for this.
Time heals all wounds.
Scars exist for a life time.



Fingers bleed trying to hold on.
Hair shortens from breakage.
Eyes, crimson as a result of the wake.
Stomach empty because of turmoil.
My heart stands still.


Perfect symmetry torn at the seams.
I guess I was living beyond my means.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

WEEEEEE....thud

Jump

Toes curled over the edge,

Back standing perfectly tall,

Poised with strong arms over head,

Diving in is just falling with grace.



Bend the knees deeply in preparation,

Push through with every leg muscle,

Catapult into the air with a sense of purpose,

Feel momentum change at the peak.



Closed eyes see the execution,

Body parts do what they were taught to do,

Breathing escalates as the ending comes near,

Eyes reopen to find the bottom of an empty pool.



This is your brain on love.


Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Single's Awareness Day

Single's Awareness Day, aka valentine's day, doesn't only bring bad feelings to single folks. It reminds people in a relationship of what could be better as well. Now, I know that all single people don't hate today just like all coupled people don't love today. I've got that, so please don't leave comments about how happy you are today even though you are single...I understand. This...is not for you; this is for the first groups that I mentioned, the unhappily single and coupled folks. My thoughts on today about how these people feel all filter down to one word in my mind, rejection. It's not about how many people you don't want that want you, it's about the ones you want, not loving (or respecting or valuing) you back. It's kind of like being alone even though someone is holding your hand. Today can seem to hone in on your opacity as a human moving in and out of the lives of others. The good news? There are 364 more days til we hit the next S.A.D.

Personal PepTalk/RealityCheck

Try not to feel discarded and blown off. Try not to feel like you aren't in the same spot. Realize that sometimes I am one of the stressors of life and not an addition/resolution/relief. I can either try to change this, or I can feel hurt and make it about me. It's not about me, its about how I make the other people feel. I have a couple of different paths to take from here out. I can get upset, internalize it and go on feeling hurt forever and hold it against them. I can get upset, blast them, and let the chips fall where they may. I can look at it and see how I can help relieve some stress. I can cry and do nothing. I want to do the productive thing. It's a huge fight between what i want to do and what i feel like doing. I have to sit on my hands to keep from being impulsive. I know that I jump to conclusions; I am aware. I have to work on perception and not blowing things up to being more than they are. I have to relax. I have to change.

No Explanations Necessary

Room for Development

Sitting atop a wooden stool

In a room with a light

Hanging from a solitary string,

That's where you found me.

The light bulb was new.

The light bulb was off.

I warned you when you opened the door.

"Don't come in, you'll get stuck."

You said something about knowing the way.

I don't want to say I told you so.

There was a light switch.

It was in the off position.

You held my hand there in the dark.

I tried to support yours too.

The dance of anxiety that I did,

I think it loosened the grip.

You knew how to light the room.

Somehow we forgot that step.

Our fingers still entwined;

Your stool now matches mine.

My heart breaks as you use that hand

To turn on the light.

It shines brightly now; no shadows.

Are the pictures we took ruined?

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Pointing the Finger

Everything that the general population takes as a comfort or compliment isn’t received by me in the same manner. I can’t tell you why. I’m just very aware of the extreme differences. I wrote a piece a little while back that was called “My Next Bad Habit” and vowed when it was written to stay away from the situations that would afford me that bad habit. I succeeded and reveled in my success. However, I was so focused on not getting a bad habit; I didn’t stop to think that I could be someone else’s. While I was ducking and dodging, trying to really stick to my principles, I didn’t apply them to anyone else around me. I’m somewhat at a crossroads with this.

If you know that someone is changing, not necessarily for the bad or good, just changing in general, do you allow the changes to take place? It is after all that person’s decision to change. Or do you back up because you are beginning to influence those around you? Normally, my typical M.O. is to back up faster than anyone is drawn to me. That way, I can’t be faulted for the decisions they make based on me. I can say, I never asked you to do that (yes a major cop out). Hey, I’m still working on me. But if I know you are doing it, don’t I have a responsibility to at least point that out and make sure you know you’re doing it too?

No More Pretending

I see you changing,

Your dreams aren’t the same.

I’m not sure if they are being replaced

Or if you are abandoning them.

I don’t like seeing wreckage in my wake.

I try to walk softly so as not to disturb

Anything or anyone in my immediate area.

I don’t want you to worry or stress or…feel.

It’s easier that way, when things don’t work

The way we always thought they would.

I know the choice is yours.

I’m so blessed that you feel the way you do.

However, I worry about what’s best for you.

When I look in the mirror, I’m not sure

If I’m looking at the answer.

The less attachment there is,

The less disappointment there will be.

I’ve programmed myself to handle abandonment.

On my own is where I saw my destiny.

I can’t be on my own with you holding my hand.

I don’t know how to deal with you loving me.

This is an awkward position and

I want to run from change.

I’m holding on just barely

To the thing that I crave most.

I see movies and say, “That’s what I want.”

It shows up at my door step and it’s overwhelming.

I now know why they say be careful what you ask for.

Because with the greatest gift received

Comes a great responsibility to the receiver.

I know you feel the difference

That huge shift in the atmosphere.

I can’t pinpoint when it took place though.

Maybe I’ll take a seat atop the elephant

And ride it right out of the room.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

I'm Back!

No poetic piece today. Just announcing my return to the electronic world from my bed. New day, new computer, new internet connection. I'm catching up on alot that I missed in my fly by attempts at USC's computer lab. It's gonna take a while folks; so hang in there. I can't be on the computer constantly, nor do i want to be. I've actually enjoyed not having to be or feeling the need to be tied to the computer because I feel that I may miss something. I don't really care for dependency of any kind. I have a few. I think I may have one of those addictive personalities. I cling on to things, and although I also strive to contribute so it isn't a completely parasitic relationship, I still recognize my tendency to cling. That being said. I'm off to do things I'm not addicted to...yet, while i indulge myself with cooking in the kitchen. So kisses and hugz folks; I'll be back *best Terminator voice*