Glutton For Punishment

My trembling heart beats against the interior of my chest

Like a giant Cyclops beating at the castle walls with a wooden club.

The walls may not crack and splinter like the wood,

But the impact sends reverberations through my entire being.

The constant wondering is rattling my soul with physical repercussions.

I need to know that thing

That I don’t want to know.

I will have to look in your eyes and say the word;

The look on your face will tell me most of it.

The words on your lips will tell me the rest.

To be preoccupied with such a detail will drive one mad.

I keep trying to thrust it away and like a boomerang,

It comes back each time with more strength than before.

I can’t throw it; I must be able to set it and walk away,

If I ever want to put it to rest for good.

I know that perception is everything

And I’ve tried to change mine more than a handful of times.

There was so much truth and so much emotion that it drew me in.

I feel like Morris Chestnut’s character at the altar in The Best Man.

The battle is nearly bringing me to my knees.

I need to look in your eyes and see the truth,

Whatever it may be.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

It happened.

Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy