WEEEEEE....thud

Jump

Toes curled over the edge,

Back standing perfectly tall,

Poised with strong arms over head,

Diving in is just falling with grace.



Bend the knees deeply in preparation,

Push through with every leg muscle,

Catapult into the air with a sense of purpose,

Feel momentum change at the peak.



Closed eyes see the execution,

Body parts do what they were taught to do,

Breathing escalates as the ending comes near,

Eyes reopen to find the bottom of an empty pool.



This is your brain on love.


Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Single's Awareness Day

Single's Awareness Day, aka valentine's day, doesn't only bring bad feelings to single folks. It reminds people in a relationship of what could be better as well. Now, I know that all single people don't hate today just like all coupled people don't love today. I've got that, so please don't leave comments about how happy you are today even though you are single...I understand. This...is not for you; this is for the first groups that I mentioned, the unhappily single and coupled folks. My thoughts on today about how these people feel all filter down to one word in my mind, rejection. It's not about how many people you don't want that want you, it's about the ones you want, not loving (or respecting or valuing) you back. It's kind of like being alone even though someone is holding your hand. Today can seem to hone in on your opacity as a human moving in and out of the lives of others. The good news? There are 364 more days til we hit the next S.A.D.

Personal PepTalk/RealityCheck

Try not to feel discarded and blown off. Try not to feel like you aren't in the same spot. Realize that sometimes I am one of the stressors of life and not an addition/resolution/relief. I can either try to change this, or I can feel hurt and make it about me. It's not about me, its about how I make the other people feel. I have a couple of different paths to take from here out. I can get upset, internalize it and go on feeling hurt forever and hold it against them. I can get upset, blast them, and let the chips fall where they may. I can look at it and see how I can help relieve some stress. I can cry and do nothing. I want to do the productive thing. It's a huge fight between what i want to do and what i feel like doing. I have to sit on my hands to keep from being impulsive. I know that I jump to conclusions; I am aware. I have to work on perception and not blowing things up to being more than they are. I have to relax. I have to change.

No Explanations Necessary

Room for Development

Sitting atop a wooden stool

In a room with a light

Hanging from a solitary string,

That's where you found me.

The light bulb was new.

The light bulb was off.

I warned you when you opened the door.

"Don't come in, you'll get stuck."

You said something about knowing the way.

I don't want to say I told you so.

There was a light switch.

It was in the off position.

You held my hand there in the dark.

I tried to support yours too.

The dance of anxiety that I did,

I think it loosened the grip.

You knew how to light the room.

Somehow we forgot that step.

Our fingers still entwined;

Your stool now matches mine.

My heart breaks as you use that hand

To turn on the light.

It shines brightly now; no shadows.

Are the pictures we took ruined?

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Pointing the Finger

Everything that the general population takes as a comfort or compliment isn’t received by me in the same manner. I can’t tell you why. I’m just very aware of the extreme differences. I wrote a piece a little while back that was called “My Next Bad Habit” and vowed when it was written to stay away from the situations that would afford me that bad habit. I succeeded and reveled in my success. However, I was so focused on not getting a bad habit; I didn’t stop to think that I could be someone else’s. While I was ducking and dodging, trying to really stick to my principles, I didn’t apply them to anyone else around me. I’m somewhat at a crossroads with this.

If you know that someone is changing, not necessarily for the bad or good, just changing in general, do you allow the changes to take place? It is after all that person’s decision to change. Or do you back up because you are beginning to influence those around you? Normally, my typical M.O. is to back up faster than anyone is drawn to me. That way, I can’t be faulted for the decisions they make based on me. I can say, I never asked you to do that (yes a major cop out). Hey, I’m still working on me. But if I know you are doing it, don’t I have a responsibility to at least point that out and make sure you know you’re doing it too?

No More Pretending

I see you changing,

Your dreams aren’t the same.

I’m not sure if they are being replaced

Or if you are abandoning them.

I don’t like seeing wreckage in my wake.

I try to walk softly so as not to disturb

Anything or anyone in my immediate area.

I don’t want you to worry or stress or…feel.

It’s easier that way, when things don’t work

The way we always thought they would.

I know the choice is yours.

I’m so blessed that you feel the way you do.

However, I worry about what’s best for you.

When I look in the mirror, I’m not sure

If I’m looking at the answer.

The less attachment there is,

The less disappointment there will be.

I’ve programmed myself to handle abandonment.

On my own is where I saw my destiny.

I can’t be on my own with you holding my hand.

I don’t know how to deal with you loving me.

This is an awkward position and

I want to run from change.

I’m holding on just barely

To the thing that I crave most.

I see movies and say, “That’s what I want.”

It shows up at my door step and it’s overwhelming.

I now know why they say be careful what you ask for.

Because with the greatest gift received

Comes a great responsibility to the receiver.

I know you feel the difference

That huge shift in the atmosphere.

I can’t pinpoint when it took place though.

Maybe I’ll take a seat atop the elephant

And ride it right out of the room.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

I'm Back!

No poetic piece today. Just announcing my return to the electronic world from my bed. New day, new computer, new internet connection. I'm catching up on alot that I missed in my fly by attempts at USC's computer lab. It's gonna take a while folks; so hang in there. I can't be on the computer constantly, nor do i want to be. I've actually enjoyed not having to be or feeling the need to be tied to the computer because I feel that I may miss something. I don't really care for dependency of any kind. I have a few. I think I may have one of those addictive personalities. I cling on to things, and although I also strive to contribute so it isn't a completely parasitic relationship, I still recognize my tendency to cling. That being said. I'm off to do things I'm not addicted to...yet, while i indulge myself with cooking in the kitchen. So kisses and hugz folks; I'll be back *best Terminator voice*

Randoms

You Cant Make Me

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I took to the four adobe walls

like multiple wrecking balls.

Fuck yo box!

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Yeah, I had to go there momentarily

Because it's taking you a few to catch up with me.

I don't want your box!

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I knew it was too small for me to live inside of it

I tried thinking outside, ran in circles and got fit.

Your box is designed for you!

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Maybe I don't want edges, corners and walls

Give me sometime fluid with no boundaries at all.

Keep your box!

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My space is ever expanding and not to be kept

Inline, in walls, nor under a rug swept.

I reject your box!

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy
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Religiousity

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Piety, holier than thou, do as he says, not as he does because he's elevated himself above you.

His pillar is built upon the twisted foundations that he has constructed from the withering truths.

He is the pastor that led a million people before being brought to his knees upon a syndicated altar.

He is the leader who developed his own brand of religion with books, buildings, and websites.

He promoted prosperity achieved through your checking accounts, donations and bleeding hearts.

He prostituted the basic Word of God repeatedly until it was just a word from his self-ordained lips.

With his mighty hand offering salvation, he has destroyed almost as many as he's helped to redeem.

He's made it harder to see even a glimpse of the Heavenly Father by clouding the atmosphere with him.

He has been exposed and his monstrosity is crumbling around him upon his congregation.

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On the outside looking in at my fellow man,

You have been led astray, pushed aside, driven from the truth.

Not the feel good, sell it to you, prophesy for a dollar religion;

Truth as it was originally designed, offered and created.

Jesus did not promise everyone a house on a hill, a full bank account and perfect health.

Salvation and heavenly after life were the promises given.

The Bible says that Jesus is the way, truth and life.

That means that it is between you and Him only.

It's not about what you wear, how much you give or what you drive.

It is about accepting Christ as Lord in your life.

What ever that looks like to you, go with it.

Most instruction is interpretation these days,

Be sure to get your own understanding as well.

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I'm not against organized religion, I'm pro-people.

The figures who fall daily from their scandelous platforms,

They hurt the face of God.

Not because of their human errors,

But their treacherous shadows.

They seem to use stage lights skillfully;

So bright, their shadows are drowned out.

Let's keep our eyes on the man upon the cross,

Not the blood stained wood and nails that held him there.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

One moreeeee

pic is from www.couplesphotos.net/

Naked Convo


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You did a little strip tease.

Then you eased

Me out of my own clothes.

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You took away

My stay-

ing power insistently.

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Then it was my turn to take.

And I did until I ached

to bring you over the edge.
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Then we sat in an embrace.

Feeling both of our hearts race

as we talked.
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Our bodies had been bared.

It was time that we shared

our thoughts.
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Where are we going from here?

We whispered, "Mine," in each other's ear.

It wasn't an act.
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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

New Years Part II

Ok...dont think I need to say much more on this topic other than the pieces that I post. Meeting someone is easy, its the after that can make a cloudy day. So this would have to be about dragging abggage with you and learning how to leave it on the side of the road on your way into something new. Good luck on everyone's New Year's journeys. This is a long post with a few pieces...I couldn't choose, so I posted all the ones I liked :)
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When I See “Him”

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I want you.

Every inch of you.

From the top of your head

To your soul.

Yes, I want your heart.

I want your thoughts.

I want your hips

So I can wrap my legs

And…wait, not yet.

I want your trust.

I want your hopes

I want to be your future.

I want it all.

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I’m asking for a lot, I know.

But, I’ve never meant this

More, than when I say it to you.

I’m willing to give you

All of that.

I will offer you everything I want.

I can’t lose you to fear.

Not my own anyway.

If I’m willing to walk through fire,

Certainly I can jump the hurdle of fear.

I hope it’s not too late for us to achieve,

That my instability hasn’t cause irreparable damage.

It would be suicide to a little part of me

Never able to revive, if I let you be

Linked to someone other than me

In the only way I that I can see

You and I.

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You may, at one time, wonder what I see

In you when I look at you that way.

I see the most amazing man…ever.

Your determination rivals that of the gods.

You are the stuff of which legends are made.

In silence, you are a pillar of strength.

The strong silent type with a smirk.

It lets me know that your silence isn’t idle.

Even your saunter has an obvious purpose.

The drive I’ve seen in your eyes tells me

Success is not an option in your future.

And trust, that’s not all I see.

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I see the hand that caresses my body

Into multiple levels of happiness.

I see kissable lips that encase a smile

That wakens the sun daily

Sending it in my direction.

I see the arms that welcome me.

They say goodbye and support me too.

They hold me still when it’s for my own good.

I see eyes that I hope our child has,

Full of care, purpose and fire.

I see a man, Lord help me, that raises my temp.

If…no WHEN, we get to our destination,

The city may never see snow again

The way you ignite all that’s within me.

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I could go on forever painting a picture with words

But I’m being slightly selfish this time.

I don’t want to share with others all that is mine.

Well, all that I want to be mine,

All that I see when I’m in bed next to you

And I open my eyes to the rising sun.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Uncertainty

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I can’t feel you just yet

But give me a few minutes to get my feet wet.

I need to wade into your shallow pools before I dive in

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I am aware of my impulsive nature stretching logic thin

It’s just dying to see how you feel deep under my skin.

Your desire seems as hungry as mine and I can tell it’s almost time

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The way my wind blows will make your metals chime.

It can give rise to your flames, making consummation sublime.

I’m a little hesitant though, so I take a few steps back

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My retreat seems to give you even more reason to attack

Although you plunder my village, I never feel lack.

The sudden onslaught doesn’t give me much time to adjust

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Now that I’ve given into you a little more I must

Continue to give as much as possible, because I may bust.

That which I tried to hold onto yearns for you

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Something tells me this is what I’ve wished for, something new

I’m not sure how to react, don’t know exactly what to do.

Taking your hand leads me to depths that I’ve never known

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The way you cover me makes me feel like I’m one of your own

I’m pretty sure if you loved me, I’d never again feel alone.

Your qualities suggest to me that sometimes it’s ok to lean

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I don’t want to be over zealous and confuse things between

You and I to be something that only I’ve seen.

I’ve been down that road before and it’s not usually kind

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I know that on many issues we can be of the same mind

But it’s the lines where we differ that I want to see behind.

The only reason it scares me is because I know this could be it

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You could be the “him” that was written into my script

My wait could be over if you’re truly to be my perfect fit.

I fall so hard at times; I’m hoping this once I won’t need air bags

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With you I feel secure and my usual sense of fear lags

For the first time, I’m ok to be on a limp and even if it sags.

I know we can survive, please don’t let go of my hand.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy
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That Thing You Do

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I think I’m falling for you

Down under

Where the light and dark swirl

To make melodies

No one’s heard, touched, felt before.

Your warm touch breaks the smoothness of my skin,

Echoing in rivets across the surface like a

Sound wave shot into the timeline,

Disrupting the normal surroundings.

Beginning with the hole from the bullet,

Folding the neighboring solids like leaflets.

Your breath on my neck, as welcoming as it is,

Could wake the soundest sleeping babe.

It floats within me and causes my blood to mobilize,

Inhabiting my body as if it were a phantasm;

Soliciting uncontrollable bending to your will;

Enchanting complete and willful compliance.

Yeah…what you do to me should be illegal

In all 50 states, Puerto Rico and Guam

Mmhm…all of that my love, every bit of it.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy
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Running Shoes

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Hot tears roll down my cheeks.

I’m not prepared for any of this.

Normally you study the course.

This one I have to learn as I run.

I’m mentally exhausted at the thought.

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When on a previously charted course,

I can plan escape routes; I can know security.

My anxieties are turned up high,

I’m lacing up my shoes and double knotting,

I’m ready to run…into your arms?

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I have to let my mind wander,

If I choose to go the course.

I don’t want to not stay the course.

Yet, I’m scared of committing to it.

Maybe you’ll be my running partner.

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I hate the maybes, the unknowns, limbo.

Two sides of one flat coin, no in between.

I’m frustrated with the lack of description,

I’m not ready to be defined either.

My stamina and endurance are on high too

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I’m a living shade of gray,

Existing in a black and white world.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy


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Unstable

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I’m trying not to do what I always do.

Because you asked me not to.

Because I don’t want to.

Because I like you.

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I don’t know how to organize with emotions intact.

My typical process is worthless with you and I.

Normally, I pull back, so I can analyze without feeling.

I don’t want to cause you pain, the pain I saw.

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I cringed inside and my heart weakened when that look emerged.

It’s not just giving you trust, it’s becoming vulnerable,

Merely sharing that feeling makes me feel super weak and helpless.

Is that how you felt when you bore your soul to me?

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I feel like I should apologize for retreating to my solitude.

People truly frighten me, especially you, because you’re inside.

I’m uncomfortable with how comfortable I am with you.

You’re in between my layers, but I have no middle.

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I don’t know what to do with you.

I guess I’ll just have to love you.

Where we are.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

New Year...same old rhyme

Ok we made it to 2010 yay! I've heard most of my friends talk about finding a worthwhile love this year already (Oh brother here we go again *eyeroll*). This year, I'm right there with them hoping to experience the last first kiss. So goin with the theme that I'm sick of reliving annually, I reached back into the vault and dug out some flighty-romantic-I-want-you-forever-pretty-picture-happily-ever-after stock. This year...I'd like to replace "him" and/or "you" with a name. But word to all, I'm still not taking applications, "he" wont need to apply, he'll just announce that the position is filled. And I'll fill in the few poems I chose for this tomorrow.
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