Pointing the Finger

Everything that the general population takes as a comfort or compliment isn’t received by me in the same manner. I can’t tell you why. I’m just very aware of the extreme differences. I wrote a piece a little while back that was called “My Next Bad Habit” and vowed when it was written to stay away from the situations that would afford me that bad habit. I succeeded and reveled in my success. However, I was so focused on not getting a bad habit; I didn’t stop to think that I could be someone else’s. While I was ducking and dodging, trying to really stick to my principles, I didn’t apply them to anyone else around me. I’m somewhat at a crossroads with this.

If you know that someone is changing, not necessarily for the bad or good, just changing in general, do you allow the changes to take place? It is after all that person’s decision to change. Or do you back up because you are beginning to influence those around you? Normally, my typical M.O. is to back up faster than anyone is drawn to me. That way, I can’t be faulted for the decisions they make based on me. I can say, I never asked you to do that (yes a major cop out). Hey, I’m still working on me. But if I know you are doing it, don’t I have a responsibility to at least point that out and make sure you know you’re doing it too?

No More Pretending

I see you changing,

Your dreams aren’t the same.

I’m not sure if they are being replaced

Or if you are abandoning them.

I don’t like seeing wreckage in my wake.

I try to walk softly so as not to disturb

Anything or anyone in my immediate area.

I don’t want you to worry or stress or…feel.

It’s easier that way, when things don’t work

The way we always thought they would.

I know the choice is yours.

I’m so blessed that you feel the way you do.

However, I worry about what’s best for you.

When I look in the mirror, I’m not sure

If I’m looking at the answer.

The less attachment there is,

The less disappointment there will be.

I’ve programmed myself to handle abandonment.

On my own is where I saw my destiny.

I can’t be on my own with you holding my hand.

I don’t know how to deal with you loving me.

This is an awkward position and

I want to run from change.

I’m holding on just barely

To the thing that I crave most.

I see movies and say, “That’s what I want.”

It shows up at my door step and it’s overwhelming.

I now know why they say be careful what you ask for.

Because with the greatest gift received

Comes a great responsibility to the receiver.

I know you feel the difference

That huge shift in the atmosphere.

I can’t pinpoint when it took place though.

Maybe I’ll take a seat atop the elephant

And ride it right out of the room.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy