I'm Back!

No poetic piece today. Just announcing my return to the electronic world from my bed. New day, new computer, new internet connection. I'm catching up on alot that I missed in my fly by attempts at USC's computer lab. It's gonna take a while folks; so hang in there. I can't be on the computer constantly, nor do i want to be. I've actually enjoyed not having to be or feeling the need to be tied to the computer because I feel that I may miss something. I don't really care for dependency of any kind. I have a few. I think I may have one of those addictive personalities. I cling on to things, and although I also strive to contribute so it isn't a completely parasitic relationship, I still recognize my tendency to cling. That being said. I'm off to do things I'm not addicted to...yet, while i indulge myself with cooking in the kitchen. So kisses and hugz folks; I'll be back *best Terminator voice*

Randoms

You Cant Make Me

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I took to the four adobe walls

like multiple wrecking balls.

Fuck yo box!

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Yeah, I had to go there momentarily

Because it's taking you a few to catch up with me.

I don't want your box!

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I knew it was too small for me to live inside of it

I tried thinking outside, ran in circles and got fit.

Your box is designed for you!

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Maybe I don't want edges, corners and walls

Give me sometime fluid with no boundaries at all.

Keep your box!

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My space is ever expanding and not to be kept

Inline, in walls, nor under a rug swept.

I reject your box!

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy
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Religiousity

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Piety, holier than thou, do as he says, not as he does because he's elevated himself above you.

His pillar is built upon the twisted foundations that he has constructed from the withering truths.

He is the pastor that led a million people before being brought to his knees upon a syndicated altar.

He is the leader who developed his own brand of religion with books, buildings, and websites.

He promoted prosperity achieved through your checking accounts, donations and bleeding hearts.

He prostituted the basic Word of God repeatedly until it was just a word from his self-ordained lips.

With his mighty hand offering salvation, he has destroyed almost as many as he's helped to redeem.

He's made it harder to see even a glimpse of the Heavenly Father by clouding the atmosphere with him.

He has been exposed and his monstrosity is crumbling around him upon his congregation.

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On the outside looking in at my fellow man,

You have been led astray, pushed aside, driven from the truth.

Not the feel good, sell it to you, prophesy for a dollar religion;

Truth as it was originally designed, offered and created.

Jesus did not promise everyone a house on a hill, a full bank account and perfect health.

Salvation and heavenly after life were the promises given.

The Bible says that Jesus is the way, truth and life.

That means that it is between you and Him only.

It's not about what you wear, how much you give or what you drive.

It is about accepting Christ as Lord in your life.

What ever that looks like to you, go with it.

Most instruction is interpretation these days,

Be sure to get your own understanding as well.

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I'm not against organized religion, I'm pro-people.

The figures who fall daily from their scandelous platforms,

They hurt the face of God.

Not because of their human errors,

But their treacherous shadows.

They seem to use stage lights skillfully;

So bright, their shadows are drowned out.

Let's keep our eyes on the man upon the cross,

Not the blood stained wood and nails that held him there.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

One moreeeee

pic is from www.couplesphotos.net/

Naked Convo


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You did a little strip tease.

Then you eased

Me out of my own clothes.

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You took away

My stay-

ing power insistently.

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Then it was my turn to take.

And I did until I ached

to bring you over the edge.
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Then we sat in an embrace.

Feeling both of our hearts race

as we talked.
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Our bodies had been bared.

It was time that we shared

our thoughts.
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Where are we going from here?

We whispered, "Mine," in each other's ear.

It wasn't an act.
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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

New Years Part II

Ok...dont think I need to say much more on this topic other than the pieces that I post. Meeting someone is easy, its the after that can make a cloudy day. So this would have to be about dragging abggage with you and learning how to leave it on the side of the road on your way into something new. Good luck on everyone's New Year's journeys. This is a long post with a few pieces...I couldn't choose, so I posted all the ones I liked :)
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When I See “Him”

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I want you.

Every inch of you.

From the top of your head

To your soul.

Yes, I want your heart.

I want your thoughts.

I want your hips

So I can wrap my legs

And…wait, not yet.

I want your trust.

I want your hopes

I want to be your future.

I want it all.

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I’m asking for a lot, I know.

But, I’ve never meant this

More, than when I say it to you.

I’m willing to give you

All of that.

I will offer you everything I want.

I can’t lose you to fear.

Not my own anyway.

If I’m willing to walk through fire,

Certainly I can jump the hurdle of fear.

I hope it’s not too late for us to achieve,

That my instability hasn’t cause irreparable damage.

It would be suicide to a little part of me

Never able to revive, if I let you be

Linked to someone other than me

In the only way I that I can see

You and I.

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You may, at one time, wonder what I see

In you when I look at you that way.

I see the most amazing man…ever.

Your determination rivals that of the gods.

You are the stuff of which legends are made.

In silence, you are a pillar of strength.

The strong silent type with a smirk.

It lets me know that your silence isn’t idle.

Even your saunter has an obvious purpose.

The drive I’ve seen in your eyes tells me

Success is not an option in your future.

And trust, that’s not all I see.

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I see the hand that caresses my body

Into multiple levels of happiness.

I see kissable lips that encase a smile

That wakens the sun daily

Sending it in my direction.

I see the arms that welcome me.

They say goodbye and support me too.

They hold me still when it’s for my own good.

I see eyes that I hope our child has,

Full of care, purpose and fire.

I see a man, Lord help me, that raises my temp.

If…no WHEN, we get to our destination,

The city may never see snow again

The way you ignite all that’s within me.

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I could go on forever painting a picture with words

But I’m being slightly selfish this time.

I don’t want to share with others all that is mine.

Well, all that I want to be mine,

All that I see when I’m in bed next to you

And I open my eyes to the rising sun.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Uncertainty

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I can’t feel you just yet

But give me a few minutes to get my feet wet.

I need to wade into your shallow pools before I dive in

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I am aware of my impulsive nature stretching logic thin

It’s just dying to see how you feel deep under my skin.

Your desire seems as hungry as mine and I can tell it’s almost time

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The way my wind blows will make your metals chime.

It can give rise to your flames, making consummation sublime.

I’m a little hesitant though, so I take a few steps back

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My retreat seems to give you even more reason to attack

Although you plunder my village, I never feel lack.

The sudden onslaught doesn’t give me much time to adjust

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Now that I’ve given into you a little more I must

Continue to give as much as possible, because I may bust.

That which I tried to hold onto yearns for you

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Something tells me this is what I’ve wished for, something new

I’m not sure how to react, don’t know exactly what to do.

Taking your hand leads me to depths that I’ve never known

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The way you cover me makes me feel like I’m one of your own

I’m pretty sure if you loved me, I’d never again feel alone.

Your qualities suggest to me that sometimes it’s ok to lean

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I don’t want to be over zealous and confuse things between

You and I to be something that only I’ve seen.

I’ve been down that road before and it’s not usually kind

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I know that on many issues we can be of the same mind

But it’s the lines where we differ that I want to see behind.

The only reason it scares me is because I know this could be it

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You could be the “him” that was written into my script

My wait could be over if you’re truly to be my perfect fit.

I fall so hard at times; I’m hoping this once I won’t need air bags

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With you I feel secure and my usual sense of fear lags

For the first time, I’m ok to be on a limp and even if it sags.

I know we can survive, please don’t let go of my hand.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy
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That Thing You Do

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I think I’m falling for you

Down under

Where the light and dark swirl

To make melodies

No one’s heard, touched, felt before.

Your warm touch breaks the smoothness of my skin,

Echoing in rivets across the surface like a

Sound wave shot into the timeline,

Disrupting the normal surroundings.

Beginning with the hole from the bullet,

Folding the neighboring solids like leaflets.

Your breath on my neck, as welcoming as it is,

Could wake the soundest sleeping babe.

It floats within me and causes my blood to mobilize,

Inhabiting my body as if it were a phantasm;

Soliciting uncontrollable bending to your will;

Enchanting complete and willful compliance.

Yeah…what you do to me should be illegal

In all 50 states, Puerto Rico and Guam

Mmhm…all of that my love, every bit of it.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy
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Running Shoes

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Hot tears roll down my cheeks.

I’m not prepared for any of this.

Normally you study the course.

This one I have to learn as I run.

I’m mentally exhausted at the thought.

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When on a previously charted course,

I can plan escape routes; I can know security.

My anxieties are turned up high,

I’m lacing up my shoes and double knotting,

I’m ready to run…into your arms?

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I have to let my mind wander,

If I choose to go the course.

I don’t want to not stay the course.

Yet, I’m scared of committing to it.

Maybe you’ll be my running partner.

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I hate the maybes, the unknowns, limbo.

Two sides of one flat coin, no in between.

I’m frustrated with the lack of description,

I’m not ready to be defined either.

My stamina and endurance are on high too

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I’m a living shade of gray,

Existing in a black and white world.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy


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Unstable

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I’m trying not to do what I always do.

Because you asked me not to.

Because I don’t want to.

Because I like you.

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I don’t know how to organize with emotions intact.

My typical process is worthless with you and I.

Normally, I pull back, so I can analyze without feeling.

I don’t want to cause you pain, the pain I saw.

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I cringed inside and my heart weakened when that look emerged.

It’s not just giving you trust, it’s becoming vulnerable,

Merely sharing that feeling makes me feel super weak and helpless.

Is that how you felt when you bore your soul to me?

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I feel like I should apologize for retreating to my solitude.

People truly frighten me, especially you, because you’re inside.

I’m uncomfortable with how comfortable I am with you.

You’re in between my layers, but I have no middle.

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I don’t know what to do with you.

I guess I’ll just have to love you.

Where we are.

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Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

New Year...same old rhyme

Ok we made it to 2010 yay! I've heard most of my friends talk about finding a worthwhile love this year already (Oh brother here we go again *eyeroll*). This year, I'm right there with them hoping to experience the last first kiss. So goin with the theme that I'm sick of reliving annually, I reached back into the vault and dug out some flighty-romantic-I-want-you-forever-pretty-picture-happily-ever-after stock. This year...I'd like to replace "him" and/or "you" with a name. But word to all, I'm still not taking applications, "he" wont need to apply, he'll just announce that the position is filled. And I'll fill in the few poems I chose for this tomorrow.
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Grape Juice Stains

When you thought she slept with your best friend because he was better than you…maybe you were right. Maybe he was a better lookin, better smilin, better all around guy. Perhaps you didn’t measure up. Maybe it’s time you face the fact that…maybe you were right.

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When he said, “This was the last time, I promise,” and you took his word for it, knowing it was a lie…maybe you were right. You figured that her tight abs, hooked up hair and masters degree was what drew him in. time to face the fact that..maybe you were right.

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When you thought she got tired of you because your game was whack…maybe you were right. You said that you understood that she was better than you deserved and you were lucky just to get a glimpse. She shook her head and walked away because…maybe you were right.

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When you told your girlfriends that he was too good for you and you thought you needed more of a thug…maybe you were right. Because the man you were with deserved more than a hoodrat minded broad just trying to get ahead of him along with the rest of the world. You felt you needed to be slapped silly.  Mmhm…maybe you were right.

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Maybe, just maybe, you ARE the low life that you played at being. Perhaps it’s not a mask, maybe that’s just you. The self portraits that you paint…they couldn’t be further from the reflection in the mirror.

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It's like you bleed grape juice. I don’t have hard feelings about grape juice…wait, that’s a lie, I do. It's an imposter. Grape juice typically tastes NOTHING like grapes. Grape soda, grape candy, grape whatever doesn’t taste like grapes. I honestly wont partake in “grape flavored” anything. It’s a fallacy in which I choose not to participate.

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The next time any of us try to use guilt, pity, or any means other than our supposedly true selves to get further on down any road, we should grip the mirror bravely and see that MAYBE WE ARE RIGHT!

Copyright © 2009 Natasha Guy

For the Holidays

Behold

How do you explain the love you feel on your child’s first Christmas to an infertile couple?

How do you share the way you look at a picture of 3 generations in front of the tree to an orphan?

How do you demonstrate an immeasurable emotion?

You balance their lack with your abundance.

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At this time, the holes seem more hollow.

The depths of the fissures are unfathomable.

As some of us celebrate existence and memories,

The rest of us brace ourselves for the impending emptiness.

Remember that as much as you feel, someone else doesn’t.

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A smile, hug or even a text, they can fill voids.

Your touch, voice and comfort can come in simple ways.

Instead of trying to take the only thing they can feel,

Sit and acknowledge that emotions other than yours exist.

See your life minus your wealth and help them carry their burden.

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I don’t suggest we give rise to multiple pity parties.

I’m imploring that everyone recognize another’s pain.

Taking a few moments to join someone in their personal plane,

Will invite them into yours effortlessly.

By requesting admission to their world, you create a bridge to yours.

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So this season,

A shoulder to cry on,

A hug to show support,

A song to warm a heart,

Share out of your abundance of love.

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I’m not big on holiday spirit, so that’s as close as it gets. Peace, contentment and maybe even a little joy for everyone this season =D

Copyright © 2009 Natasha Guy

Burning Up the Impurities

Description of an Icon

It’s beyond my realm of understanding

How in a few short lines of prose I can

Peg you for who you are…a reflection of him,

The man I never got a chance to know.

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That’s right; I can’t remember his face at all.

But instinctually I know he is yours, not ours.

Visions of your parallels fill my mind as I read.

Can characteristics share the mirror too?

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The bitterness I didn’t know I had rises violently,

Pushing against my brain, assaulting what I thought

Existed in our matching set of genetic material.

DNA isn’t a strong enough bond to secure love.

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The negativity of the almost thirty year silence

Confronts me on a severely emotional note.

I’m not usually egged on by the darker side of things.

It’s traumatizing to have this invasion right now.

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Fighting to find the silver lining of this gigantic cloud,

Thrashing thru the humid middle in search of solidity.

I want to be wrapped in Saran Wrap so I can go through

Yet be totally protected without contamination.

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My fear is that by looking

At him, through you

I may see a reflection of

Myself.

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These are my personal scattered emotions after reading a letter (and writing one in return) from the half brother I’ve never met. He was borne one year, four days before me. Our father’s birthday nestled two days after his and two days before mine. His and mine. Ours. Interesting, I don’t feel like I have any part of this supposedly shared piece of ancestry. One of my first thoughts was, “You’re just like him; full of shit.” Then, I was shocked at myself for the snap judgment. I find myself more supportive of people I’ve never met, than of the man with whom I share a specified amount of DNA. Writing this reality check is worth more than anyone’s full bank account. More to come as the fire gets hotter. The only way to purify is to leave it on the flame until you can see a flawless reflection.

Copyright © 2009 Natasha Guy

Monopoly Anyone?

Playing the Game
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You get whiplash when he walks past the store front window.
He looks suave and debonair in his italian suit and silk tie.
You notice him taking notice of you and so the game begins.
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You muster up your college vocabulary and fish out your glasses.
The top three buttons on your shirt are quickly fastened.
Your feet find their way back into the work heels as he makes his approach.
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His eyes meet yours briefly as his feet lead him on a path straight for you.
He loosens his tie as he saunters up to the nearby stool.
Taking a seat, he orders a scotch on the rocks and sends a drink to her.
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The girl at the end of the bar is a classic beauty with a modern twist.
Her massive collection of auburn curls are restrained in a high, tight, ponytail.
The wispy indie dress billows around her ankles as her laughter fills the room.
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Time after time you've seen the same scenario play out before your eyes.
This time you finally get the nerve up to ask, "Why her and not me?"
You wait for an answer about style, look and preference.
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The man looks as if he's only seeing you for the very first time.
He gives you a head to toe once over before he begins.
His explanation is preceded by a comical smile of beautiful veneers.
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"I saw you through the window before I decided to stop.
Your blouse slightly unbuttoned, holding a glass of merlot,
A woman at ease, bare feet hanging above forgotten stillettos.
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"Your hair was less than perfect and your make up was almost gone.
My thoughts were centered on how comfortable you were in your own skin.
Here in public, you still found your personal corner of peace.
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"However, as I grabbed your eye, you changed in a series of blinks.
The firsts three blinks buttoned your shirt, applied lipstick and found the out of place hairs.
The next three found your glasses, shoes and perfected posture.
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"You adjusted to what you surmised I would be attracted to,
You killed the very essence of yourself that silently drew me in.
Only then did I settle for sending a drink to the woman over there.
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 "Because a woman who is comfortable enough to be who she is wherever she is,
That is where I find true beauty and that's the ultimate attraction.
It's exactly what I saw until you decided that you knew what I wanted.
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" I craved what I saw from afar, the ideal picture of perfection.
You turned out to be a basic imitation of the Mona Lisa I sought.
Nothing more than a chameleon with no true existance of your own.
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"Knowing who you are and trusting in it is the sexist thing ever.
It may not appeal to all men who walk along your path,
But respect and real reactions will be plentiful during your walk.
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"We dont want fake anymore than you want to play dress up.
Eventually we all tire of our assigned roles and want to shed the character.
Portrayals these days are poor imitations of pseudo lives.

"If you learn to broadcast exactly who you are,
When a man gets closer, he wont leave out of disappointment,
He'll draw nearer, already addicted to the flecks of who you are.

"But when you decide ahead of time to slip into the role I may want,
Then you lure me in with false pretenses that eventually fall away,
That's when I wake up next to a woman that neither of us know."

He falls silent and allows it all to sink in along with the wine.
Too late to undo what you've done, you acknowledge his wisdom with a nod.
You watch longingly as he locks eyes with the treasure shining at the end of the bar.

Copyright © 2009 Natasha Guy

Too many times we see someone that we want and hurry to change into the person they desire. What about your original blue print? If you can attract someone with those plans, then you dont have to second guess what the person wants. Simply because the person has already decided that he or she wants you. So, in this case, you only have to continue existing, versus constantly recreating the idea or role that you've assumed. Take a little mirror time each day and make sure you know who you are so that when someone asks your name, you'll know the meaning behind it.

One Mo' 'Gin!

In The Moment

Learn to actively wait with expectancy.
Think of waiting as an action verb.
I simply dont want to wait.
I thrive on knowing and finding out.
Most people realize this sooner than later.
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I wanna know as much as possible.
I need to pack my mind with knowledge.
I know that knowledge and wisdom are not the same.
I am learning how to wait without frustration.
A lot of people never figure out how to do this.
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Does anyone else see "wait" as a 4 letter word?
Does it appear negative to people without my eyes?
Do you try to calculate exactly how long yours will be?
Does a formula exist that shows how to wait successfully?
How does it feel to achieve patience?
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Like a seed that takes 9 months to produce viable fruit,
If I dont complete the wait time, it can be dangerous.
The threat can be to both my seed and myself.
Conquiering my own lack of patience will yield more than expected.
Try to make it through with dignity and grace.
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I always question why I can't skip the wait.
Why can't things be great now instead of later?
I've missed my lessons hidden within the wait.
So again, I begin the test of time, maybe last the whole exam.
Hopefully I'm not alone and others have their own issues of time too.
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I'm being tested once more and this time I'll pray:
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Please give me the strength, grace and peace that all pass normal understanding.

Lord I'm trying, so please wait on me with the same patience that you wish to instill in me.

Copyright © 2009 Natasha Guy