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It’s beyond my realm of understanding
How in a few short lines of prose I can
Peg you for who you are…a reflection of him,
The man I never got a chance to know.
.
That’s right; I can’t remember his face at all.
But instinctually I know he is yours, not ours.
Visions of your parallels fill my mind as I read.
Can characteristics share the mirror too?
.
The bitterness I didn’t know I had rises violently,
Pushing against my brain, assaulting what I thought
Existed in our matching set of genetic material.
DNA isn’t a strong enough bond to secure love.
.
The negativity of the almost thirty year silence
Confronts me on a severely emotional note.
I’m not usually egged on by the darker side of things.
It’s traumatizing to have this invasion right now.
.
Fighting to find the silver lining of this gigantic cloud,
Thrashing thru the humid middle in search of solidity.
I want to be wrapped in Saran Wrap so I can go through
Yet be totally protected without contamination.
.
My fear is that by looking
At him, through you
I may see a reflection of
Myself.
.
.
These are my personal scattered emotions after reading a letter (and writing one in return) from the half brother I’ve never met. He was borne one year, four days before me. Our father’s birthday nestled two days after his and two days before mine. His and mine. Ours. Interesting, I don’t feel like I have any part of this supposedly shared piece of ancestry. One of my first thoughts was, “You’re just like him; full of shit.” Then, I was shocked at myself for the snap judgment. I find myself more supportive of people I’ve never met, than of the man with whom I share a specified amount of DNA. Writing this reality check is worth more than anyone’s full bank account. More to come as the fire gets hotter. The only way to purify is to leave it on the flame until you can see a flawless reflection.
Copyright © 2009 Natasha Guy
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