Apologies of a Phoenix

I didn’t even know what I was at first;
Wanted to be like everyone else;
Didn’t want to shine.

I tried clipping my wings.
I dimmed my lights.
I even tried to hide.

I didn’t take kindly to mirrors.
If I couldn’t see,
Maybe others wouldn’t either.

The blind was walking;
And as an unforeseen result,
I bumped into even more people.

I did all I could to shrink myself.
But I still felt like the elephant in the room
With a mouse hot on its tail.

As I was trying to think myself small,
I had missed what others were doing.
Some ignored me, but the others…

My invisible wishes had not been heard.
A few decided to smile at me anyway,
And others tried to set me on fire.

I didn’t notice until I smelled burning flesh.
I was horrified that anyone would do that!
Then, I was sure I would die.

Ashes to ashes
And dust to dust.
I knew that I was going down.

The fire starters smirked
And they squirted extra lighter fluid.
At least I burned a pretty hued descent.

My pile of ashes laid at their feet.
They lost interest and walked away.
My remains still held a bit of shimmer.

No one tended the ashes.
Very few mourned the loss.
Others never noticed my absence.

Then, even in my cinder state,
There was something about my
Existence that screamed.

My pitch pulled at
Surrounding ears
And some still took no interest.

As my shrill reached
The upper octaves,
More and more people gathered.

The furious arsonists
Clamored through the growing crowd
To see what was happening.

Instantaneously, I soared.
From the ashes and contempt,
I not only flourished, but was reborn.

My destruction at the hands of
The tormentors had cultivated
A creature that they had only heard of.

I was now able to rise
Above the venomous claws
As they shaded their eyes.

Some took refuge from the
Expected revenge sure to fall.
The skies filled thick with screeching.

Once again misunderstood.
It was not sorrow or terror vibrating in the air,
But soul filled laughter and freedom resounding.

New found purpose and realization
Ignited from ash only
Brought about by a painful death.

If anyone below spoke the
Language of the flying
Fire bird, then they heard my song:

I found freedom in
The confines of my wings.
My prison cell, they only appeared to be.

You see, my prison bars
They were bones.
Numerous to make strong wings.

The curtains that kept out the sun,
Those were my feathers.
Thick, so that I could ride the wind.

My hard shelled beak
That was unable to kiss like soft flesh,
It now houses my song’s volume.

My small beady, darting eyes of mistrust,
They, now, can keenly focus while
I cruise the unseen currents.

It was simply my perception
That did not allow me to
Be who I was created to be.

I say, “I’m sorry,” to the fire starters.
Had I known that you were wasting it,
I would have saved your lighter fluid.

Well, it was a waste for you.
But I’ll thank you arsonists too.
Without you, I could not rebirth.

To all those who were waiting,
I am deeply sorry
That it took this long.

To those looking on
As if I’m personally offending,
I’m sorry you feel that way.

However…

I will not apologize
For outshining the
Sun in your sky.

I will not apologize
For my wing span
Spreading wider either.

How about you stop
Comparing you to me
And me to you?

Are you even a phoenix?
Maybe you are an eagle
Or perhaps a bluejay.

Yes, we all are birds.
But I won’t apologize
For being different than you.

Sometimes the parts that make me
Unmistakably me
Ruin the experience for others.

I exist only as I
Know that I can.
And I won’t apologize for being me.

Copyright ©2010 Natasha Guy