I Miss…Him
Before I begin, I cannot stress enough how
This is not about one person, at least not one I know now.
It’s about my dream man, the one I never found.
The one I’m still waiting to meet, hoping he’ll come around.
Some may wonder how I can miss what I never had.
It’s because although I’m whole and complete, I am a little sad.
Not because a specific man left, but because I still want my dream man.
I know when he finally finds me, he’ll love me like no other can.
So this is about the things that I still miss.
The things that I’ll find at my last first kiss.
I miss the stare that reaches all the way to my spirit,
Not the one that cuts through me to the core.
The eyes that chose not to hide their vulnerability,
Especially when they are lying in the bed next to me.
I miss being able to giggle at everything in our lives,
At all of the ups and downs, each and every surprise
Laugh with our children, who will be proof of our love.
Stand next to him through good and bad, my place ordained from above.
I miss going through the bad times, so we know which the good ones are.
We’d embrace each other and smile, instead of wishing on a shooting star.
The foundation of our dreams rooted in the one we hold,
We would dare to dream big and expect to behold.
I miss the passion that exists between us when he’s there.
Even when I’m lying in his arms, his face buried in my hair.
Bottomless and never ending, like the rings on our hands,
Our footprints everlasting, unlike when water washes over sands.
I miss the voice that, with just one word, sends chills down my back,
The voice that echoes in my head, when I’m not acting how I should act.
That one that whispers sweetly that he loves me each and every day.
The one, that even when it’s angry, doesn’t hurt and push away.
I miss playing tackle football, one on one, in his jersey at midnight.
The hold I try to break free from, not really putting up a fight.
Pillow wars that lead to melding into each other as one.
And even the serious fights that tell us real life has begun.
So I wait somewhat impatiently, for the one to bring my bliss.
I wait on the Lord to guide him, that one man I truly miss.
Copyright © 2009 Natasha Guy
AND..........
Stunned
Like watching a horror movie through spread fingers,
I saw it all unfold before me in slow motion.
You and her, tangled in the bed sheets with my duvet on the floor.
I stand immobilized, paralyzing shock riveting through me.
Both of you are far too involved in your acts to notice
My presence; witnessing what I suspected, but denied.
I leave the two of you tangled in your web of satin comfort.
My heart lost among the wreckage therein
Can either of you still feel it beating against your bare skin?
I take a short walk to sort things out in my head.
Trying to figure out where I went wrong this time.
Well…I’m pretty sure that I left myself open to everyone but me.
Time for me to have a heart to heart with myself.
Look in the mirror and watching the painful tears slide down my cheeks.
Release all the pain and betrayal that I’ve internalized.
Flashbacks of what I’ve seen and what I heard between you
Haunt me as I stroll reflectively toward self confrontation.
I begin to question all of what I thought I knew.
With you, my guard was down almost from the start.
From what she says, I’m pretty sure she felt the same way.
Your thousand watt smile and intelligence gets girls like us.
Normally, I’m expected to come in kicking and screaming.
I’m supposed to swear threaten and cry uncontrollably.
But…if you’ve wandered this far from me…I was mistaken anyway.
I pull tissue from the roll as I sigh, heavy but silent
I retrace my steps from our…your bathroom to the bedroom.
I hear you call her the same as me and embrace reality.
With tears in my eyes already drying, I excuse myself quietly.
You both stare at me wide eyed as I sift through fabric to reclaim my heart.
I nod my goodbye and wish you both the best of luck with that.
The last thing you see of me, my back, you consider retreat.
I am moving on, determined to find someone who I can claim, to refuse to share.
She sits between our feelings, exposed.
Copyright 2009 Natasha Guy
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