I hope that at one point in time someone, anyone understands.

Summer time!

The Dry Swimsuit

It hangs in the closet,

Shrunken from the process.

It will fit when I put it on again.

Maybe I should lose some…wait, I digress.

It’s sitting there staring at me,

Mocking me from the closet;

From the tiny corners of my mind,

Taunting me to call a forfeit.

I’m determined to get into it again.

I remember the last time like it was yesterday.

I swam in a pool of luxury.

I was confident in my play.

Then the Life Guard came around the corner,

He said, “That’s enough play for you.”

I reluctantly got out of the pool.

When I’d swim again, I had no clue.

I had been evicted from romance and love.

The Life Guard said I was having too much fun.

I cried as I hung my swimsuit out to dry.

But there was no point; my swim time was done.

I watched as it dripped dry,

My memories pooling on the floor.

They too chided me,

Singing, “This love is no more.”

So my swimsuit awaits another chance,

To jump in the deep end of the pool of romance.

Copyright ©2010 Natasha Guy

Repost

Ok...repost, cuz this is how i feel...again...

The Beginning of the End

Can you hear that sound? Or the lack thereof?

Its my heart coming to a stop, as it recognizes what lies ahead.

Its the initial prick that becomes a fine line that gives way to a rip

In the wall of my heart.

A small unmistakeable poke, the crack that weakens the dam.

My emotions, my love, my very being starts to leak

Eventually it gushes, leaving me next to empty.

All of it poured out chasing after you

As you walked away.

Copyright © 2009 Natasha Guy

">

A night to remember

Tonight, I had to let go of hopes and dreams that I'd built because I was the only one that drew up the blueprints. Like sand in the wind I had to watch them fly away and stop trying to fruitlessly hold onto them. My heart will remain where it is, but I acknowledge that it stands there alone. Tonight I made peace with that. Take care of yourself until our paths meet again sir.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

">


This song here. Finally found THAT song. Yup. And I'm not even a Drake fan, but this is perfect.

Apologies of a Phoenix

I didn’t even know what I was at first;
Wanted to be like everyone else;
Didn’t want to shine.

I tried clipping my wings.
I dimmed my lights.
I even tried to hide.

I didn’t take kindly to mirrors.
If I couldn’t see,
Maybe others wouldn’t either.

The blind was walking;
And as an unforeseen result,
I bumped into even more people.

I did all I could to shrink myself.
But I still felt like the elephant in the room
With a mouse hot on its tail.

As I was trying to think myself small,
I had missed what others were doing.
Some ignored me, but the others…

My invisible wishes had not been heard.
A few decided to smile at me anyway,
And others tried to set me on fire.

I didn’t notice until I smelled burning flesh.
I was horrified that anyone would do that!
Then, I was sure I would die.

Ashes to ashes
And dust to dust.
I knew that I was going down.

The fire starters smirked
And they squirted extra lighter fluid.
At least I burned a pretty hued descent.

My pile of ashes laid at their feet.
They lost interest and walked away.
My remains still held a bit of shimmer.

No one tended the ashes.
Very few mourned the loss.
Others never noticed my absence.

Then, even in my cinder state,
There was something about my
Existence that screamed.

My pitch pulled at
Surrounding ears
And some still took no interest.

As my shrill reached
The upper octaves,
More and more people gathered.

The furious arsonists
Clamored through the growing crowd
To see what was happening.

Instantaneously, I soared.
From the ashes and contempt,
I not only flourished, but was reborn.

My destruction at the hands of
The tormentors had cultivated
A creature that they had only heard of.

I was now able to rise
Above the venomous claws
As they shaded their eyes.

Some took refuge from the
Expected revenge sure to fall.
The skies filled thick with screeching.

Once again misunderstood.
It was not sorrow or terror vibrating in the air,
But soul filled laughter and freedom resounding.

New found purpose and realization
Ignited from ash only
Brought about by a painful death.

If anyone below spoke the
Language of the flying
Fire bird, then they heard my song:

I found freedom in
The confines of my wings.
My prison cell, they only appeared to be.

You see, my prison bars
They were bones.
Numerous to make strong wings.

The curtains that kept out the sun,
Those were my feathers.
Thick, so that I could ride the wind.

My hard shelled beak
That was unable to kiss like soft flesh,
It now houses my song’s volume.

My small beady, darting eyes of mistrust,
They, now, can keenly focus while
I cruise the unseen currents.

It was simply my perception
That did not allow me to
Be who I was created to be.

I say, “I’m sorry,” to the fire starters.
Had I known that you were wasting it,
I would have saved your lighter fluid.

Well, it was a waste for you.
But I’ll thank you arsonists too.
Without you, I could not rebirth.

To all those who were waiting,
I am deeply sorry
That it took this long.

To those looking on
As if I’m personally offending,
I’m sorry you feel that way.

However…

I will not apologize
For outshining the
Sun in your sky.

I will not apologize
For my wing span
Spreading wider either.

How about you stop
Comparing you to me
And me to you?

Are you even a phoenix?
Maybe you are an eagle
Or perhaps a bluejay.

Yes, we all are birds.
But I won’t apologize
For being different than you.

Sometimes the parts that make me
Unmistakably me
Ruin the experience for others.

I exist only as I
Know that I can.
And I won’t apologize for being me.

Copyright ©2010 Natasha Guy

Sometimes My Mind Goes There...

Today

I wanted to reach out today.

Then remembered you weren’t there.

Funny how the always in

“I’ll always be there,”

Disappears along with Forever.

The location of “there” changes too.

They all shift to be someone else’s

“Always there, Forever.”

But, that’s life for you.

Your train keeps chugging along.

As the scenery changes,

The passengers change;

Even the track changes.

Some trains get better engines,

Even a shiny new  caboose;

Eventually, it all changes.

But, you know what I’ll remember?

The tiniest bit of graffiti

That somehow never gets erased.

Do you remember when and where?

Do you remember how it got there?

Yeah…I didn’t think you would.

Copyright ©2010 Natasha Guy

Sand

When you leave the beach,

It finds its way into life.

Your hair, car, bathing suit.

It carries with it the smells

Of the ocean.

On a playground,

It is more functional

Than a memory.

It still comes with you,

In your hair, shoes, clothes.

Then in the hourglass,

It all comes together

And makes sense.

The kind of rationale

That makes you lose your mind.

In an hourglass

It is functional.

Though each grain

Represents a memory

As well.

If I chose a grain

From the bottom

Of your personal

Hourglass. Could

You tell me of the day?

The day you met her,

Do you remember that one?

The moment you decided,

When was that?

The second everything changed.

Does any other grain

Matter as much as the

Other?

The last time you had peace,

Is it more valuable than turmoil?

Does the coned pile in the bottom

Weigh more than the ever

Dwindling top?

Which section do you value

More?

Do you realize that the

Top and bottom do not

Equal all?

There will always be the few

Grains stuck in descent.

Will you remember to

Assign these grains value?

Or will they slip through

Unnoticed

As you count the others?

A single grain of sand

Can tip the favor scales.

That single grain

Can also be your last.

So spend your grains wisely.

I still have a few

That I’m waiting

On to drop.

But I won’t miss

Those on their way down.

From the grains in motion

I seek to remove

Items from my

Bucket List.

You were one of them.

Copyright ©2010 Natasha Guy

Walk With Me

The Path

Love

Attraction

Lust

Friendship

Caring

Tears

Sweat

Denial

Resistance

Growth

Execution

Choices

Need

Want

Desire

Correction

Adjustment

Embarrassment

Surprise

Confusion

Struggle

Pain

Alcohol

Celebration

Exhaustion

Guilt

Emptiness

Sadness

Desperation

All of this

Led to our

Demise.

Each was

A stepping

Stone to

The

Dead End.

Copyright ©2010 Natasha Guy

A Few More

Now and Then

It was me.

I don’t deny it.

I never did.

Eyes wide open.

I had no problem

Being a cheerleader.

But I wasn’t even

Invited to the game.

I read the great reviews though.

I had no problem

Waiting in the wings.

But then the lights dimmed

And everyone else was gone.

I heard the after party was amazing.

I had no problem

Holding down the fort.

But then I realized

I was the only one fighting.

I never saw the signs of a war.

I had no problem

Being invisible

But I thought

You saw me.

I felt you walk right through me.

I didn’t used to

Have all these problems

But now, well,

I guess I do.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Explanation

Now you can be free

Without considering me.

But that’s not why                                                                  

The door shut.

Now there are no worries about being late

No rushing to reach me with an update.

But that’s not why

I walked away.

Megaphones don’t help

When there is no audience.

Spouting questions is useless

When deemed unworthy of answers.

I don’t mind the shadows,

It’s cooler there anyway.

When the dark is so deep

That I disappear,

Even I forget that

I exist.

That is why

There is no later.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

You and Me

You didn’t want to be that guy.

You weren’t.

And I still got hurt.

You wanted to be successful and strong.

You are.

And I still got hurt.

You wanted the world.

You got it.

And I still got hurt.

I’m so happy

You got what you wanted.

And yeah, I’m still hurt.

But then again,

I’m still me.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy