A November Writing Challenge

You, Me, Us, We

As soon as I heard “inspiration” I knew it had to be about you,
But then something incredible happened; something I never imagined;
I suddenly realized that it has stopped being about you.
It’s no longer about you, but I'm not sure when it even stopped.

Now, I’m finally allowing myself to let it be about me.
At last, I am the main character in my own play.
Hell, I’m barely looking to see if you’re in the audience these days.
Is your seat vacant? Where was the seat? I’m not even paying attention anymore.

This is monumental for me, because you’ve been my everything for so long,
And now, it’s me. It’s the mirror that inspires me. It’s the mirror that says I can.
I now look within and remind myself of all I’ve already accomplished…
And all without you, you’ve been in my corner, but you’ve not been HERE.

I am having the time of my life just learning to live on my own again.
I’m regaining the strength I once had to do everything I wanted.
I don’t check with myself to see IF I can do it; I just schedule a time to succeed.
I don’t echo your plan for me back to you. I inform you of my decisions. It’s different.

I was a caterpillar for so long and you were my protective cocoon.
I almost died inside the hard shell you built around me to keep me safe from the world.
You did it for my own good while I struggled against you and pushed
And, for a time, I left you, hollow, discarded, and broken, waving in the wind.

I stretched out my wings without thinking about the carnage though.
I found the sunniest spot and I struggled and pushed and persevered.
Had you not held me so tight, I would have never wanted to escape the confines
Of you. Warm, suffocating, holding me securely and killing me all at once.

Leaving you was the beginning of my whole new world, my rebirth so to speak.
It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do that I did by my choice alone.
Leaving your protection, your safety, your arms, your heart…you.
And the way I miss all of that, the severity with which I miss it, is soul snatching.

My body reacts without my permission when I think about where I came from.
My eyes swell with tears that spring from various fountains within me: pride, pain, joy.
My chest heaves up and down as if my heart is threatening to find you without me.
My muscles tense and harden just wishing they could feel your hands on my skin again.

And my thoughts always refocus on one thing: I had to be strong for the both of us.
I did it for us. That thing you attempted, but could never seem to commit to just for you.
I couldn’t let myself die there, with you surrounding me for my own “good”, any more than
I wanted to kill you by letting you try to build a house in which neither of us would flourish.

When I look back on all of it. All of the love I unfairly demanded from you, but wouldn’t accept;
All of the love I threw at you, that I unknowingly smothered you with, that you reluctantly resisted;
All of the ways we pushed and pulled each other, trying to create enough distance for growth;
All of the passion that was always just beneath the surface of every exhausting interaction…

Damn it, my passion is still you, but it’s different now. You are a want and not a need.
Of course I can grow, thrive, survive, and even enjoy life without you by my side.
And I guess this piece is still somewhat about you, but it’s even more about me, because
At this moment, you are only in it because I choose to let you share my gaze.

Copyright © 2015 Natasha Guy

Just A New Post

But It Can’t

Our forever has come and I'm too tired to even say goodbye,
So I'm waving to the wind, and hopefully it will reach you
With the understanding that I’ve loved you for you,
And you never bothered to discover who I really am.

We both know that I am solid,
But you fail to realize I'm also complete.
On my own, without you, I’ve managed to
Fill in my emptied nooks and crannies.

While I want to be the full piece that fits beside,
You're so used to being an empty woman’s center
That with my readjustment and growth,
You’re ready to let me go.

Perfection in your eyes is how you solve my problems
But for me, it's realizing you don't need a solution, just a complement.
Maybe that's the issue, you see all the ways I still need to be fixed
And I just want to add to you, because you're perfect in your existence.

And that's what I'd say to you if my heart could ever actually let go.

Copyright © 2015 Natasha Guy

Birthday Week Revelation

Rooted

Usually, when we have the more serious talks,
We don't really face one another.
It's like it takes all of the energy we possess
Just to put it all out there, to bear everything,
Like the effort to hold a gaze is too great.

So this time, instead of lying next to you,
Instead of snuggling into your arms,
Instead of hiding from love with my back turned,
I will greet it, honor it, face to face.
I'll show it that I deserve it this time.

So I'll perch atop your hips, my
Legs straddling your core and my
Hands resting on your chest while
I direct my eyes to meet yours, not in
A challenge, but in reverence of the following truths:

I make decisions daily to love you.
Whether you label it or not, I choose
To be where I know I belong: by your side.
As much as I've changed, my heart has
Remained adamant that you are its home.

Therefore I no longer fight; I surrender
And accept that it knows its place in this world.
I knew it all along, but wouldn't admit that
It only took vacations and never strayed...
Stayed away too long before being home sick for you.

And my voice may tremble and my hands may
Shake as I continue to explain how it
All fits together in my head. And it
May get a little heavier than you like,
But I promise not to leave all of it on you.

I'll simply leave a token of my love
Because it's what I've always tried to do.
It's important to me that you know and
Hear it...not just know because you know
Who I am growing to be, but I need to be able to say it.

The Japanese proverb says fall seven and rise eight,
So maybe we'll get it right this time and maybe not.
Some things I do know though: My place is with
You. My heart is with you. It's a choice I make
Continually, day after day, because even if I knew
The world was ending tomorrow,

I'd still plant my apple tree with you today.


Copyright © 2015 Natasha Guy

More National Poetry Month Pieces

Lock & Key

Did I make a mistake in loving you?
They say we learn from our mistakes
But every day, this is one I repeat.
I choose you over and over...you.

You are the key to so much
My heart, my ambition, myself.
A lock without a key is forever
Either opened or closed...out of order.

They key has the right combination
Of nooks and crannies to change
The lock as the need dictates.
Open to me. Secure my treasures.

You are the only one who's been
Able to slide into my chamber
And fit comfortably while still
Pushing and pulling. Changing me.

While my outside remained quite
Stagnant, you toyed with my
Inner workings, conforming them to
Your intricate design and rigidity.

I need you, want you, to open me
Up and twist my insides. Please?



Untitled

It kills me
(Laughably)
To see you beg
For the attention
You once threw
Away.
I hope you live
And learn to
Cherish what you have
When you have it;
Not waiting to see
That your grass
Used to be greener
Once you see it in
A different light
That also illuminates
The “Keep Off The
Grass” sign
Erected in your
“Honor”.


Copyright © 2015 Natasha Guy

From My National Poetry Month Writings

You, I, We

Starting anew

Away from you
Yet and still
You are with me.

Never thought I'd do this
Without your comforting kiss
Yet and still
I am here.

They say distance makes
The heart feel quakes
Yet and still
We are solid.

When I was asked today
If I'd ever fall in love again...
Daily. With you.

Copyright © 2015 Natasha Guy

Insomniac Poetry

The Truth of The Matter

If I was honest,
I couldn't count how many times
Within a day you crossed my mind,
Because the thought of you is like
A hamster on red bull
With a battery pack on its back      
On a motorized Wheel...wings and all.

If I was honest,
You'd know my love for you
Has only grown and never waivered
Despite my unexplained need to
Diminish its ever expanding size
In efforts to not smother you
Like a plastic bag over your head.

If I was honest
Every time you touched me, I'd
Float away on the sheer strength
Of the butterflies that automatically
Take flight within my core
When your body casually brushes
Against mine in innocent connections.


If I were honest
About why I shy away from the simple
Contact more than I embrace it,
You'd probably sigh and mutter,
"This again? Really?" Before rolling
Your eyes and shaking your head.

If I were honest,
You would know how much you still
Inspire me to broaden my horizons
And chase my dreams with sincerity
While watching you grow on your own
And become more of the man you've
Always desired to be.

If I were honest...
Let's be honest...
I'm still in love with you.

Copyright © 2015 Natasha Guy