Cleaning Up

Messy

So much hurt
After all the years.
A patched up soul,
Still leaking tears.
I'll never not love you.

What I've let you see:
A painted face,
Never once revealed
With the makeup erased.
I've wanted to show you.

My naked body,
Flesh and bone.
You've seen it all
But my soul's never shown.
Always cloaked in fear.

And now that I'm ready,
The ears that await
Would never come back
To participate in my fate.
What a tangled web.

Copyright © 2013 Natasha Guy

New Old Piece

Mourning The Death of a Dream Deferred

Your smile at the thought of her hurts.

Your excitement for the life with no room for me in it weighs heavily on my soul. 

As much as it hurts, I still smile at your happiness, regretting it's not ours. 

But your smile is magnificent.

I lost you when I kept things in. 

When I vowed to never show you how to hurt me again. 

It hasn't been right since you laughed at the pain you didn't know existed. 

Maybe I wasn't really worth the fight.

I've been trying to hold it all in. 

I'd put on the brave face and the smile that doesn't quite meet my eyes, 

And that held you off for quite a while. 

Kept you away from my withering garden of truths.

But I'm tired of being strong. 

I've grown weary of being a fortress for too long. 

My needs have been kept behind my walls of stone. 'Cause in the end, 

I'm always all alone. And that's the way my story ends.

You've caught on that something's wrong, 

But you won't ask the questions that linger in the room like exhaled smoke. 

You lean in for a hug that rips through to my core. 

I stitch up the unseen wound and thank you for the pain you never knew you were inflicting.

So many times you've just barely missed me swiping at tears that disobeyed, 

Daring to show themselves before your departure. 

You came back to find me once. You asked if I was okay. 

I smiled and lied. "You know, ebay."

Because I'm discovering that the love never fades. 

Your happiness is still more important than mine, whether it's the same or not. 

And your smile makes the lies I tell myself worthwhile. 

All that I said before was actually true.

And just maybe I took the wrong lesson from us. 

Maybe I was supposed to learn that there is no such thing as love... 

Damn it. 

There is no such thing as love.


Copyright © 2013 Natasha Guy