New Words, Old Rhyme

UPSET

Am I upset?
But why am I mad?
You only wanted to show me
Why I don't belong.
I'm such a weakling.
I'm fatter than a bear.
I'm a collection of wrong.
But...why am I upset?

I said I knew these truths.
I know my negative balance.
Why be mad when you repeat it?
Am I crying worthless tears again?
What else is wrong with me?
You figured you knew it all.
No one can be this pointless.
You need to ignore me again.

And so I color it all black.
To match the inside.
Because when it's dark,
No company doesn't matter.
I'm alone despite the voices.
Friend or foe, they are intruders
Shining lights on imperfections.
All the things that make up me.


13 WITHDRAW HAIKU

That is it. I'm done.
I'm throwing my hat in the
Ring; my heart's there too.

Well, no, not really.
There's a chunk of something that
Once resembled love.

You found out where all
My weaknesses tried to hide
And then exposed them.

Each time, impaling
Til scar tissue formed so deep
That's all that remained.

Now I frustrate you with
My inability to
Bleed and produce fruit.

Sow good seed you say.
Then offer me infertile
Soil, hiding your sneer.

Can't help but feel like
I'm playing your court jester
Are you amused yet?

You pull the strings; you
Tell me when and how to dance.
Have I pleased you yet?

"I only want you to
Be happy!" As you paint sad
Frowns upon my face.

Wait, you haven't shown
How worthless I can be yet.
There's more pain to give.

They say you accept
The love you deserve. Guess
This means I get none.

My spirit is a
Poor man's soul. I'd have to pay
To give it away.

So I'm done. That's it.
I'm finally done trying
To give you my love.


YOUR LESSONS

You've successfully hollowed me out.
I am only a shell of who I once was.
Each penetrating stab pushed out moans
And little pieces of my weary soul escaped
On sound waves that littered the spaces.

You set me free.

Now you've come back to mock the echo.
Seeds you drop onto barren emptiness
Refuse to take root in stale, musty air
And you look down upon me in condemnation.

How dare my spirit run dry.

You taught me to never love again,
Giving me the recipe for a petrified heart.
You were only comfortable with me
When my eyes went cold and dark.

I am no longer home.

You are living proof that I am not deserving.
My reflection in your eyes gave truth.
Even with all the good inside of me,
The bad continuously outweighs it repeatedly.

But no one turns down free milk.


JUST ONE NIGHT

It is not a night of debt,
But one of desire and need.
You didn't have to volunteer.
When you did it made me smile.

I wouldn't have to pretend...much.
Cries of ecstasy, not far fetched.
Truth tipped lies could fill the air
With enchanting melodies.

Lie to me sweetly
For just one night.
Pretend the love you claim
Actually exists.

Let me believe
For just one night
That I mean something,
To someone, somewhere.


Copyright © 2013 Natasha Guy