Monday, January 31, 2011

Reverb10/11: Days 25-31!

Ok ok...so I'm still working on the procrastination thing! I'm trying ok? Ok! So....the mad dash to finish Reverb today and semi on time starts!

25 – Photo – a present to yourself Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and [...]


This here says it all. They are my world. My babies. Their smiles are worth more than anything. Their love is beyond value. And...they aren't nekky as it would seem lol. They are running around the house in shorts because it was hot. They decided to tickle me in the midst of it all. I grabbed this cloudy, non-perfect shot with my phone. But this...is what life is about.

26 – Soul Food What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?
So much actually LOL! I'm a complete foodie and I love to cook. I think 2010 was the year that I went to several restaurants to which I had never been thanks to my guy. He made it his mission to "expose" me to different places...and he most certainly did!

27 – Ordinary Joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?
My most ordinary moment was watching him sleep. It was extraordinary though, because I knew that he'd be there when I woke up. Waking up to one of those smiles and those arms is a great memory and moment every time it happens.

28 – Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.
This seems like a running theme and one I've answered before. Writing, publishing, businesses and travel. I'll feel like I've accomplished a goal and push for the next. It's never complete...there's always something else to strive towards. I make efforts towards my achievements each day...at least 10 of them. Next!

29 – Defining Moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.
Gaining and losing/ending friendships. I've found some friends that I think I'll be keeping forever. But I've been wrong before. And I'm sure I'll be wrong again. I've ended friendships that I felt would never end. Finally letting those go gave me such freedom though. It's amazing to feel like you can be you and not be judged for it. And it's terrible when people use who you are to condemn you simply because they don't know you. Such is life. Relax, Relate, Release, Rebuild!

30 – Gift Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year? 
I had more time with my loved ones than expected. I had someone push me past fear. I had someone embrace me, knowing I'm crazy =) Immortal Love will always be the best gift in the world for me.

31 – Core Story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)
Hah! This one's easy. Immortal Love, family, and friends. Cultivating stronger relationships with those that matter and care; cutting loose the ones that don't want to be there. I share it through my blogging, writing, tweeting, speaking, actions. I truly believe in keeping a clear social circle. It's not easy, but it is possible. We all get clutter from time to time, so keep that broom handy =)

This Reverb thing was great! I didn't do it daily, but I was able to finish the whole month. Progress!


Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Monday, January 24, 2011

Reverb10/11: Days 18-24!

Ok Ok so I fell a littttttle bit behind lol. I'm catching up today! Let the madness begin!

18 – Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?
I want to try being more open in my personal relationships. I tried this same thing in 2010, but made very little progress. I've already made progress this year; more than my total progress last year. When I tried last year, I had a break down or something. I don't know what to call it, but it wasn't pretty. This year is and will continue to be better! Viva Change!

19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
Some of my insecurities were healed in 2010. That road is a long one and I try to take a step on it all the time. Sometimes it happens and sometimes I even fall further behind my hike. I'd like to actually continue on that same "drip-by-drip evolution" but maybe get it up to a steady trickle this year! Insecurities and trust issues often piggy back. I usually have them in check...but sometimes, like everyone else, I slip and have to regain my own footing.

20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) 
In 2010, I wanted to start a business. I have 2 mapped out. There were several reasons why they didn't happen, but they most certainly will! This year, hopefully by August I'll have at least one up and running. *crossing fingers* I would love to have both of them up by the end of the year. Only time (and me trying to cure my procrastination) will tell!

21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)
Future self would say, omg do it already! So that I can be further than you ever dreamed. Yes, you'll be happy. Yes, you'll be in what you only thought was a dream. Take the leap and prepare to smile.
To Younger self: Babe, you get to have 2 kids. Not the way you want them, but you do get them. Things will be ok. Breathing, praying, crying and laughing will all be sources of refuge. Don't worry about using them sparingly, because there's always more where they came from.

22 – Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
In 2010, I crossed the US from CA to LA, then from FL to CA via road trips (whew). This year, I want to possibly go to NY and IN (stateside) and Ireland, maybe Haiti too, as far as abroad. Again, only time will tell =)

23 – New Name Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?
LOL!!! Sparkle or Toesox! Because they are nicknames I've grown quite fond of. I twirl, I laugh, I dance, and try to maintain my colorful attitude and style! My toesox were on my twitter and facebook profiles for a long while and have just recently changed. Something fun and bouncy would be my choice!

24 – Everything’s OK What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? 
I had a momentary split/disagreement/issue with my guy last year. But I was somewhat stubborn and insisted it wouldn't be the end. And it wasn't. This of course reinstated/reinforced my believe in Immortal Love. It's tangible and invisible, strong and fragile, common and elusive, all in all...it's mine 



Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Monday, January 17, 2011

Reverb10/11: Day 16/17!

16 – Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?


One of my friends allowed me the chance to sit with her mom keep her company. You never know what's going on with other folks until they let you see it. Her mom is awesome and gives me inspiration daily. My friend is awesome and the responsibilities that she shoulders are great. I try to stay open and I am constantly saying -Perception is everything. Mine changes daily as my eyes are opened to new things and new experiences.

17 – Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I learned that I need to work on patience that I have more faith in others that they have in themselves. I make sure to think before I speak, even when I'm upset. It's not perfect, but I'm doing it more than less these days, so I'm well on my way. So until my patience kicks in, I can at least mute my impatience and think before I speak. I'm a work in progress.

As far as the faith thing goes, I've started loaning mine out. When a friend lacks faith, I give 2 scoops of mine for them to borrow until theirs builds. I have tons and tons of faith in boatloads. I don't mind spreading it all around! *throws faith around the room* I have so many amazing people who surround me on a daily basis. If they have an ounce of belief in me...how could I not believe in all of them?

Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Reverb10/11: Day 15!

15 – 5 Minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. 


Them. Him. Nothing else matters.

Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Friday, January 14, 2011

Reverb10/11: Day 14!

14 – Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? 


I have come to appreciate the differences in people. I try not to judge so quickly and to not just tolerate, but accept. That leads to appreciation. I also help people celebrate what makes them different and try to encourage them to be proud of who they are. *sigh* People are like colors of the rainbow; we all differ from the slight to the extreme, but we are all colors nonetheless.

Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Reverb10/11: Day 12/13!

12 – Body Integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?


Hmmm....good question lol. I think I feel like this the most when I'm creating tangible things, jewelry, paintings, woodwork, etc. It's easiest for me to feel this way with jewelry, but hardest when I'm painting. While painting, I still try to force things into a perfect little box or image. Still learning, still working, still making progress on extending me.

13 – Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?


My next step is finishing and publishing my novel and a new collection of poetry. I also want to start on my next verse novel...but I haven't yet. I'm also gaining clients monthly for my editing business. I'm hoping to start that business officially this year. Yayness!

Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Reverb10/11: Day 10/11!

10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?


The wisest decision I made this year was to let go and move on from some friends/acquaintances that were hanging on like deadwood. It was really hard. They were there for multiple reasons, none of them good. It was difficult to walk away. However, once I cut the connections, I got freedom and lots of it. There is a time and place for everything....and sometimes it's here and now.

11 – 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?


1. FaceBook games - I took the biggest step, I blocked all my apps. The key is to stay off other gaming sites and not re-add these apps just because my friends miss the seeds/animals/coins/etc that I could give them as a fellow player.
2. Laziness - I will make plans and actually stick to them. I will keep myself busy and going. My January calendar is really full. I'm proud of myself.
3. Procrastination - I will and have contacted others to hold me accountable to things I must/need to do. I'm on the way.
4. Lack of focus - My lists are helping as well as friends and their expectations. Telling folks your plans will help you stay focussed, because they ask how you are progressing on them.
5. Thongs - I've tried...for several years...they are still butt floss...uncomfortable butt floss. I just don't wanna try any more! Plus I've found really awesome boyshorts that don't ride AND cover most of my derriere (yayness!).
6. Red lipstick - This is another thing that I try at least once a year. It's NOT for me. The end. I will not purchase another red tube of lipstick this year *footstomp*
7. Long hair - I think I want to force myself to do more with my hair this year. The only way to do that is to keep it short. The longer it gets, the more the option of a ponytail becomes real.
8. Headaches - This one is easy...kinda. If I constantly took my medication...it may help *sigh*
9. Confusion - This is where the lists come in again. I'm always feeling lost. If I make maps, I won't get lost...hopefully =) Here's a toast to maps, like to-do lists and daily planners!
10. Frienemies - I can constantly do without these folks. I am always on the hunt to scout them out and rid them from my social circles. The drama free zone lets in so much more positivity. It's not hard to be positive when you have metaphorically clear and sunny days.
11. Fear - This is my biggest hurdle. However, I've already started jumping it. I made it over the first one, didn't even graze the bar. *sticks out chest*

Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Reverb10/11: Day 9!

9 – Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.


I didn't really party in 2010. I'm not a big party person. My best social gathering? Prolly the one with just him and me. I don't get much alone time with him, so it always means the world when I have him to myself just for a few moments. I don't remember what we ate/drank. I think I lost a few articles of clothing LOL *adjusts halo*. And well...there were obviously shenanigans galore! Interesting how he's infused in so much of my memories even though...well...THAT is for another post.

Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Saturday, January 8, 2011

*gigglez*

Purpose

The path to my heart is like swiss cheese
Very few avoid the potholes,
Falling like Alice through the looking glass.
OUCH!

Of the ones that reach the door,
Most ring the doorbell,
Setting off the trap door beneath the welcome mat.
SUCKA!

Hahaha hahaha hahaha.
Does ya ass hurt?
Oh...your feelings too?
TOO BAD, SO SAD!

Knock knock knock
For the unobservant few,
Awww...splinters baby?
*EYEROLL*

Let mama kiss it.
Feel better now, sweetie?
Good! Now change your diaper!
STANK ASS!

Him. He was smart.
He used the key.
Then he slammed the damn door!
OH NO HE DIDN'T!

Told me I better like it.
And I said,
"Yes, Daddy."
DOH!

Copyright ©2011 Natasha Guy

Warring Worlds

War of Words

You have visions of grandeur.
I have dreams of love.

You have a backup plan for “us”.
My backup plan is you.

You call it being prepared for forever.
I say that gives us an expiration date.

You say I’ve always got one foot out the door.
I’m still waiting for both of yours to be inside.

You say, “It’s about time for me to go again.”
I ask, “When will you make time to stay?”

You give me another chance to watch you walk away.
I get another tissue to catch my leaking soul.

He says.
She says.

What does all of that say
About we, us, you and I?


Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Disconnected

When you turned off communication, 
You turned off “us”.
 And that is how “we” disappeared into nothingness. 


It’s as easy as turning on/off a switch. 
Your decision was the circuit breaker. 


After a while, the wires got cobwebs. 
After a while, the distance will be so great, 
You’ll have to use smoke signals. 


Even then, I’d have to be looking in your direction to see them. 
And…I’d have to bother building a fire to send one back.

Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Reverb10/11: Day 8!

8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

Rofl....this question for me? Lord, what DOESN'T make me different? Everything from my thought pattern to my toesox is different. I don't think it makes me beautiful though. It just makes me, me. You see, people will see what they want, when they want and most times it is based on a fleeting feeling anyway. So I don't see in shades of beauty or ugliness (or at least I strive not to); I simply think that at some point in everyone's life, someone has seen some beauty somewhere...even if they themselves haven't seen it in the mirror. I have days when I think I look prettier than the day before, but that doesn't mean that anyone else would agree with me. Beauty, like truth and the concept of what makes a ho a ho, is not objective. The things that color our lives also color our perceptions. So all I can do is try to make sure that who and what I am fit in my perception of who I want to be!

Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Friday, January 7, 2011

Be Careful What You Ask For

I'm not sure if I posted this before or not, however, the time between when I wrote this and when I got what I asked for was interesting. Hmmm....



No Longer Accepting Applications

I’m terminating the search.
I need a man who knows what a woman needs.
My wants will be answered when my needs are met.
The place still stands empty.
The right man will step into it without asking.

So I’m tearing up the questionnaire.
The interviews have ended.
I haven’t made a decision.
I no longer want to choose.
I’m tired.

The position is still open.
I’m no longer actively searching for the fill though.
I am complete on my own until I find my compliment.
My hand is open, not a tight fist closed.
It’s waiting patiently to be held.

I don’t want the magical swept away love.
I need one that can meet me here with two feet planted firmly on the ground.
It will grow with roots intertwined.
Strong roots being a natural occurrence.
It won’t feel forced or coerced.
The man made for the spot will not waiver.
He wants to be my rock and strength.
He sees me as his pillow and refuge.
He needs to be there.

He will know his place when he sees it vacant.
He will approach me and point to the spot.
He will say, “That’s my place and I’m here now.”
He will claim it and be a perfect fit.

He won’t be scared of my past.
He won’t be intimidated of our future.
He will stand strong.
He will simply exist.


Copyright © 2009 Natasha Guy

Reverb10/11

7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?


I found "community" where I didn't expect it at all...in the black community. I had that stereotypical "they/we can't unite for anything" attitude...sad but true. But among some of my friends who frequent the activism causes, I've seen that it's not totally true across the board, much like anything else. So I guess I'll offer thanks to those who have introduced me to this side of the community.

I also found community on BlogTalkRadio. Some of it, I have let go and do not wish to reconnect. Other parts have brought dear friends into my life and I'm definitely grateful. Online communities led me to twitter as well. Love it #nuffsaid *gigglez* Of course, to mention online, means I will mention tumblr. I love this lil corner. I've connected with those of you who I do not share much with, other than this tumblr. I think I like that. You never know whose eye you'll catch round these parts. *sings* Reach out and touch....somebody's hand... *gigglez*

Hah...community is about who you attract with strong enough pull to keep them around even when it dissipates.

Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Reverb10

So one of my friends, @britters_43 , did Reverb10 last month (Dec 2010). Due to all the stuff I was doing, I couldn't. So...I wanna do it this month! I got all of the prompts from the website, Reverb10 , and now it's time to catch up. So up up and away I go! Where I stop...well we DO know because I stop with today's date lol. Time to blog!

1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? 
This year...the word was...assertion. I allowed myself to be assertive. I found that balance (assertive) between passive and aggressive. Now this year, I would love for the word to be Love, but I'd cherish if it were communication. I'm pretty bad at that. Being a writer this makes NO sense. Gotta work on that...pronto. Communicating with folks on "topics", THAT I can do. Communicating my feelings and something about me? Wellllll....gotta have something to work on right? LOL

2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
I play games! I removed them from my facebook apps...just to find a site to play on. I've foresaken FB, twitter, yahoo, AIM and the like to play games *shameface* I could eliminate it, however, right now I'm just limiting. This is a gradual process!

3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year-2010. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
I felt alive when I admitted  I was in love. I was actually in the shower, lathering up with Hot Chocolate shower gel suds. It hit me as I was rinsing. I had let my guard down enough to love again. Telling him was something else in its entirety lol.

4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
I watch my kids learn and grow. Every time they learn something new, I have a sense of wonder about it. Children are amazing creatures.

5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
It was all year long. But I let go of some folks who were irritations. I didn't want to, simply because of the repercussions that I thought there would be. It's like when someone speaks of divorce and folks say, "It's cheaper to keep her." That's how I felt about it. The freedom that came from it was worth the pending "cost" that I was scared would follow. Turns out, I was scared of nothing but my own freedom!

6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? 
I make stuff ALL the time! I made changes to my blog today and I think that should count! I love the new layout and theme. I changed some of my headings. I like it! Hopefully you do too!!!

Welcome to the beginning of my reverb10...or I guess maybe this is reverb11 for me lol. Folks that know me KNOW that I'm always the horse of a diffy color, the strange one, the one wearing rainbow toesox lol! Now that I'm all caught up...I'll find something else to do and hopefully not find myself gaming again lol!! Toodles!

Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Glutton For Punishment

My trembling heart beats against the interior of my chest
Like a giant Cyclops beating at the castle walls with a wooden club.
The walls may not crack and splinter like the wood,
But the impact sends reverberations through my entire being.
The constant wondering is rattling my soul with physical repercussions.

I need to know that thing
That I don’t want to know.
I will have to look in your eyes and say the word;
The look on your face will tell me most of it.
The words on your lips will tell me the rest.

To be preoccupied with such a detail will drive one mad.
I keep trying to thrust it away and like a boomerang,
It comes back each time with more strength than before.
I can’t throw it; I must be able to set it and walk away,
If I ever want to put it to rest for good.

I know that perception is everything
And I’ve tried to change mine more than a handful of times.
There was so much truth and so much emotion that it drew me in.
I feel like Morris Chestnut’s character at the altar in The Best Man.
The battle is nearly bringing me to my knees.

I need to look in your eyes and see the truth,
Whatever it may be.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
It happened.


Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Words In Hue

No matter the color,
White or black,
It was still a lie.

The punch that it delivered
Left a bluish purple bruise
Over my left eye.

If it wasn’t swollen shut right now.
Burning like a bright red flame,
I think I’d probably cry.

But since it is feeling
Like a green cactus,
So very dry…

I’ll just sit in my
Self made black darkness
Hidden from the sky.


Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy

Never Say Never

Never Say Never

Didn’t know what I expected,
But this wasn’t it babe.
Forever came up short for us.

We are still there,
But it’s nothing like we imagined.
Well, not like I imagined.

Awkward embraces were never us.
But now there is nothing else left
To tell of what once was there.

You will always have that special place.
But it’s more like an award in a trophy case.
You’re a shiny pretty empty cup.

I try to find other uses for you,
But you’re better as a representative
Of what I wanted, what we had.

I don’t know how to say this,
But I’ll try doing it like a bandaid.
Gonna rip it off quick, hopefully easy.

You’ve been replaced.


Copyright © 2011 Natasha Guy