Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Someone looked in from the outside and saw my inner hopes and dreams regardless of the manifestation. My soul bares the burden in failure.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Full of...

Empty Shelter

I wish I could rescue you from it all.
I want to be your refuge.
But you turn away.

I can try with all that is within me.
But I must face the truth.
I am not enough.

Nothing I do or say can change your world.
Everything you do changes mine.
This is how the dance ends.

My doors stand open.
You don’t even need a key.
You never did.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Day 39

I finally understand. I am happy in my revelation. I think today is the last day I count. Thank you for allowing me to be your bridge/stepping stone/learning phase. I wish you well on your travels! You've helped me find my purpose =D

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Day 36


I couldn't take it anymore,
So I stopped.
Now it's your turn.

My heart is so tightly clenched around your soul
that each time you breathe deeply or sigh under a heavy load,
my heart rips just a little more;
pieces falling away like
peeling paint in the searing sun while a dry wind

The heart is a muscle
and it repairs itself along the way.
Each rip causing growth and understanding.
Adjusting to the pain, it's all i can do
Not to release blood curdling screams because
That would only make my heart beat harder
And I cant take not one more added ache
Because the walls of my heart have been stretched thin
And they hold on with all their might
Because if they don't, then you will no longer be
In my heart.

I will lay by the wayside, a tangled dismantled mess;
Indescribable to even the keenest of eyes as something that once held love.
You will be covered and drenched in my blood and guilt will surround you.
So you try to hold your breath instead of breathing naturally.
Then, when you turn blue and must gasp for air
Amidst the death grip that my heart uses to love you:
Stretch, rip, bleed.

And so the cycle repeats itself.
My walls wearing thin,
Your lungs begging for air.
Both of us dying.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Day 33


This song has been going through my head recently. I love it, but I wish it would go away for now.

Day 33

Memories of how things were supposed to be crowd my mind.
The way life goes is rarely as it was planned or preconceived.
I try not to sit and reminisce
Because I don’t want for things in the past.
I do want the ideas of the past.
I still want the family I tried to create.
I still want a job that I love to do.
I always find myself still wanting.
Every day I get a little closer to saying I’ve achieved.
If I stop dreaming, then I stop living.
I will always continue to dream,
But I’m ready for a bit of reality.


If I poured out my heart to you,
Would it remain empty?
If I gave you my everything,
Would I always be poor?
If I built my world around you,
Would my walls always be hollow?

I can pray, believe, and assume that the answers are no.
I can be misled, too.
You can be more truthful than before.
You can let me know that you aren’t here.

You don’t want to see me hurt.
You have no personal vendetta against me.
You have no feelings that match mine either.
You hate to be the reason for my tears.

I can pretend just as long as you can.
I can act like I don’t know.
I can wait by the phone for the call that never comes.
I can look forward to heartbreak.

We can sit together and break our bond.
We can build together from here happily.
We can be painfully honest with each other.
We can grow together.
The choices are ours.


Pick me apart bit by bit.
See all the flaws I never hide.
Don’t turn away, though.
I want you to stay.
Your eyes tell me you’re already gone.
My head hangs in dismay.
My heart hardens.
My life…

Stop poking at me.
I’m not a dead carcass.
I know I look ghastly.
However, my heart still pumps.
Don’t ask me how.
My bleeding sores are evidence.
Stop trying to bandage me.
Leave me to lick my wounds.

A wounded animal will kill you if you get too close.
Your intentions never factor into the equation.
Eventually I’ll heal from these wounds.
I won’t blame you for injuries you didn’t foresee.
You have been absolved of all responsibility.
Let’s not create another contract to bind you.
The scars will always remind me of what was.
You don’t need to be in the picture for that.

To The Rescue

When people look at her,
They see the cape, boots, and stoic pose.
They stand in awe as she passes.
They envy her extra sensory abilities
All that staring and yet no one has seen her.

The cape that bears her emblem,
No one sees it damn near strangle the life out of her.
When she goes home and sheds the uniform,
Even he asks what it was she did to save the day.
When will someone ask what can they do for her?

The metallic boots with the two inch heel accentuate her long legs.
Every time she runs and jumps to protect others in those things
Her shin splints lengthen more and the arches in her feet fall.
The long soaks in the tub barely help with the pain anymore.
Who will realize that a foot rub would do wonders for her?

The stoic pose she holds while standing atop tall buildings,
No one knows it’s because the muscles in her back won’t let her bend.
Constantly flying to the rescue at any time of day or night is strenuous.
A good night’s sleep is never a possibility, much less a dream.
When will she get her weekend, or even a vacation day?

The lasers that she shoots out of her eyes,
They have singed her eyelashes that now refuse to grow back.
Eye drops no longer get the red out; they just get it back to pink.
Tears of joy have never fallen from her soul’s windows.
When will she see something other than tragedy?

Her heart aches and is empty.
She pours from herself daily.
She is simply super.
She is woman.
Refill please.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Day 29

I'm in a different time zone right now...so technically it's day 29...just in case any of you decide to wonder! Anyway, short but sweet and maybe more later on. But...

Have any of you been robbed of true love? Or have you robbed someone else? Most of us will answer yes to the first and no to the latter. But, let's think for a few minutes. Have you ever not fully opened up to someone because of fear? Fear of them being like the last, fear of them leaving, fear of them not liking the real you, the list goes on and on. By enabling those fears, you may be robbing someone of the full love they want to give to you. Whichever side of the equation you've experienced, whether it's been one or both, I'm sure it was somewhat painful to go through. Either way, lovers, past and/or present, please remember that sometimes it's worth the risk and you won't always be let down. I personally try to do all or nothing.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Day 28

Someone told me that I'm not easy to love. Unfortunately, this is true. I try to make it an interesting ride though. Feel free to get off at any stop. I won't have hard feelings. Promise.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Milestone Day 27

The Beginning of the End

Can you hear that sound? Or the lack thereof?
Its my heart coming to a stop, as it recognizes what lies ahead.
Its the initial prick that becomes a fine line that gives way to a rip
In the wall of my heart.

A small unmistakeable poke, the crack that weakens the dam.
My emotions, my love, my very being starts to leak
Eventually it gushes, leaving me next to empty.
All of it poured out chasing after you

As you walked away.

Copyright © 2009 Natasha Guy

Hmmm...Day 27

Sometimes my thoughts invade my world and other people's realms as well. I try to keep them in check and in bounds, but it doesn't always work out that way. *tuck tuck* I'm gonna raise the wall for other's protection =D

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Day 21 Pt II

A Clear Night

I stare at the moon.
I know it stares back at the both of us.
That doesn't bring me any closer to you though.

I don't find comfort in the round reflective rock.
The man that lives there has a cheshire grin.
The full moon mocks an empty heart.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Day 21

Today, I just feel the need to write. I don't have a specific point or purpose, but perhaps during my writing something will come to me. I know how I want to feel, I know how I should feel, but for some reason I'm somewhat devoid of emotion. It's a very odd spot for a Gemini to be in. We are usually one of the extremes.

I WANT to say forget everything and walk away, but I know within 2 seconds I'd give anything to get it all back. I should feel relief and joy and be back in that place that I was...I'm not though, I don't know why.  I've got a familiar funk that I'm trying to break. It's kinda like being in the eye of the storm and instead of feeling relief, feeling boredom and waiting for shyt to start getting messed up again.

Ah, waiting for that other shoe to drop. Maybe that's it. You hobble along with  one shoe for long enough, you just expect the other one to fall out of the sky like Newton's apple. You know, learn all about gravity while nursing that goose egg on your forehead. Then you've got two shoes and you aren't limping anymore, but you miss the familiar stride, no matter how awkward it was.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Day 18

Word of the day: ouch

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Day 15

Don't ask me why I'm still counting. It seems to fit though. I'm not sure if I'm counting down, up or sideways. But hey, it works for me! I have yet to figure out what I'm counting towards. I only know I'm on a mission of sorts. I'm looking to learn along the way...learn more about myself and others with whom I come into contact. And let me tell you, some of you are more than a trip (a bad one at that), some of you are an entire journey all your own. Since we each have our own path, what makes us decide to deviate from it and take a sidebar down someone else's for a moment or two? What is it that grabs YOUR attention enough to step off your individual path? Some folks can be swayed by a sound; some by a vision; others, you have to be tackled and dragged by a pack of wild wolves...and then you may take a peek.

For me, I want a path supplementary to mine, not necessarily complimentary (talking about mathematical angles here folks). Complimentary angles form a cross roads (90 degrees), supplementary angles make a crooked path straight (180 degrees). See where I'm going here? I don't mind my path being tweaked as long as we are both still going straight. I don't want to completely turn someone left or right, neither do I want to be turned that severely. With that being said, how do you get someone else's attention? Some use sex, some use intelligence, some use volume. Independently, those things can draw plenty in, however, how do you get someone to stay? I saw on twitter today "If you ask for attention with your genitals, don't get mad when no one pays attention to anything else." I also saw in a blog (paraphrased here) that straight ladies in a club will act bi-sexual and tongue down their neighbor just to grab the attention of men. Now, granted in a club, I would hope that you are  not searching for your soul mate using those techniques, but really must you go through all that for attention? Likewise, please don't go around spouting "thousand-dollar" words to get someone intelligent and then get upset when they don't laugh at the straws hanging out of your nose.

All I'm saying is let's find balance in what we offer to others as well as what attracts us to others. If I can have big hair, drop a little knowledge on some folks, and make sure my hips sway a certain way, I'm SURE that everyone else can. I want well rounded folks around me. That way, I wont be embarrassed to make introductions all around. Quality people! I will admit, sometimes I look at some of my friends/associates/compadres and think, "I hope no one judges me based on them." It's a sad thought, but it's an honest one. Not that I don't love each and everyone of them for what they bring to my life and I hope they equally, or at least on some level, feel the same towards me. I guess it all boils down to striving to be better as a whole multi-dimensional person versus...well, versus being someone with the consistency of a cartoon that I can draw in a few seconds flat and disregard in the same amount of time. Be memorable. Be supplemental to someone.

Copyright © 2010 Natasha Guy